When I was a kid, and DVDs first came out, I was convinced that this new-fangled DVD thing was just a fad and eventually we’d all come to our senses and go back to using VHS tapes like normal, sane human beings. When my parents actually bought a DVD player, I insisted that we retain the VCR so that we would be prepared to continue watching video tapes forever. Like normal, sane human beings.
Years later, I may be the last middle-class-white-23-year-old-girl in America to jump on the SmartPhone wagon. For a long time, I really disliked them. I’m gonna go ahead and let Louis C.K. explain why:
The stuff that Louis C.K. points out is still relevant. There is a danger in having something that constantly tempts you out of living in the present moment. It can rob you of real experiences. BUT! I have finally come to terms with the fact that smartphones are also…really fuckin cool. My parents, both being smart people and engineers, once again saw the technological light before I did and got them some FancyPhones. On my roadtrip to LA last August with my Mom, she kept trying to activate my brick-like cell phone by poking at the hard plastic screen with her finger. This did not work.
Meet my Mom:
You will notice that this picture was taken out in the woods and that we are working with a broken digital camera whose shudder doesn’t open all the way. Maybe the apple doesn’t fall that far from the tree, come to think of it.
I first began to see the Flashlight App a little less than a year ago, when my Mom actually started to BECOME my smartphone. Dear, sweet Susie, started to receive phone calls like this:
D: “Hey, Mom, I’m at a gig in Spokane and my agent emailed me a map this morning but I don’t have my laptop or internet access and I’m wandering around Gonzaga and I don’t know where to go and it’s making me late and can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check my email for me?”
Mom: “Ummmm… Yeah! Okay… Let me just….”
D: *Panicked rambling and pointless babble*
Mom: “Uh huh… And this is your Gmail account?”
D: “YES BLARGH GMAIL AGGGGGHHHHH”
Mom: “Okay let me get to the gmail page…”
D: **More incoherent explanation and impatient babble**
Mom: “Alright, then, what’s your password? Do you mind if I have your password?”
D: **Long explanation of an overly complicated password with like 8 numbers and punctuation and capitalized letters**
D: **More explanations. Panic starts to really set in.**
Mom: “Why is your password so complicated?”
D: “Because you and Dad are engineers and you trained me to make super secure passwords!!”
At this point, Susie patiently and kindly navigates me through my email and gets me where I need to go. After all, who else could I call to do such a thing for me? Not only is your Mom like the only person on the planet who will never be annoyed when you call, even if it is for a totally stupid reason, but since my Mom happens to be an engineer, she is at a computer all day, ready to help out her hapless daughter.
As much as I have loved having a Mom-smartphone, I’m finally recognizing that it might be useful for me to join the 21st century. Especially as an actor. If you are gonna be a freelancer, you have to be your own manager, and the technology to do that is pretty instrumental. Soooo…. FINE. I’ll do it, already. What kind of a cave-woman would I have been??
“What the fuck is that scary round thing?
Fuck that! I will drag things across the ground with brute force! FOREVER!!!!!”
So now that my Verizon contract is renewing and I get mad discounts on a phone upgrade, I’m going to swallow my Luddite pride and get me a fancyphone of my very own. Sorry fellow luddites, I will fear technology no more!
The only problem is that now I have to make a decision. Not just any decision, but a decision about technology, and how I want to upgrade myself. I am in wayyyyy over my head you guys. I googled “iPhone vs. Droid and found links to articles that said shit like:
WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?? What makes them think I will understand any of that?? If I were the kind of person who understood any of that, I would probably already have a smart phone and I wouldn’t need to be googling this. And please do not take this as an invitation to try to explain any of those things to me. We will both end up frustrated and confused, I promise.
However, I do want to pose the following questions to y’all: Do you have smartphones? What’s the deal with those? How do I make this decision?
And now I leave you with this video, because for some reason, I really relate to this lady.