And now, for the portion of the blog where Britt and I tell you THE MOTHAFUCKIN’ FUTURE.
“Okay, 2EA is back. What the hell are they doing?”
Great question. We have no idea. Ever. We never have any idea what we are doing. If it seems like we do we don’t. We have no idea what we are doing.
OR DO WE??
AND NOW FOR THE MOMENT YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!
1. Britt will get fucking FAMOUS
Today, this very day, possibly even right now, Britt Harris is on her way to Slamdance. ((Actually she’s on her way to Washington where her Mother will nurse her back from the brink of death so that she can attend her Grandmother’s funeral but THEN SHE WILL BE AT SLAMDANCE AND BE FUCKING FAMOUS.))
Say what you will, but IT COULD HAPPEN. And I’m her best friend so it’s my fucking JOB to predict the future and say that she is the most amazing person in the universe and the best possible outcome could and WILL happen to her. Anyway, she’s already the brightest star in my sky (awww).
But the thing is…
So everyone needs to just wise up and give Britt lots of money so we can pay our rent. So SUCK IT HOLLYWOOD. Make it happen. Dani has spoken.
2. Dani will do three plays AT THE SAME TIME Dat’s right! My girl D is so close to finishing her Master’s Degree and this is her final shebang as an MFA Acting Student at USC. Her big thesis. Her last hoorah. The Big Lebowski. The Three Play Rep. THE HOOTENANNY OF THE YEAR!!!!!! If you are in the LA area and you don’t come see her act in one (*cough ALL! cough*) of these three badass plays from February 7th to March 8th, then you are a fool. A FOOL, I SAY!! The woman is a genius and every time I see her work I cry like a little babybitch. Please come support this fine actor’s work, you will be blown away. And if you are geographically unable to attend, I will annoyingly stage-mom everything back to you via this blog, obviously. So you can look forward to THAT.
That’s right, people, 5 weeks of performances, around 6 performances each week, 3 plays to choose from. Check it out biotches. “The Seagull”, “The Servant of Two Masters”, and “Blood Match”. I CANNOT WAIT!!!!! 😀
Plus. LOOK AT HOW GOOD THEY LOOK. Dayum.
3. Dani will get a new phone, followed by 2EA taking over the twitterverse
Unbeknownst to you all, Two Evil Actors done created a twitter account (@twoevilactors, fool), so you can have little nuggets of evil to get you through your day each day.
Unfortunately, one of us is a big stupid with a stupid phone so has been holding the Two Evil Actors team back. And I’M SORRY! One day soon I will have a new phone and then we will be tweeting jokes at you till your brains explode so watch out.
4. Britt and Dani will both get badass representation to support their evil empire. I predict that by the end of 2015 there will be an entire team of people to attend to our every whim and need. Agents, Managers, Pedicurists, Professional-Openers-of-Doors, and even World Leaders will be lining up around the block to be a part of the 2EA Team. We plan to hire at least three dogs in bow ties to act as posse. Any interested dogs can type into the comments below, and you will be contacted personally with an address to which you can send a headshot and resume. Bow ties in doggie headshots are an absolute necessity. Other animals in bow ties may also be eligible for consideration. Stay tuned.
….Ewww not those kind of vids. Dani is my SISTER. Get your mind out of the gutter, you nasties.
Also unbeknownst to you, Britt and I have been writing more than just this madhouse that we call a blog. We’ve got sketches in the works my friends. Funny sketch comedy videos. 6 of them. And maybe even….a feature film. We are writing MACHINES.
We’ve got big plans, my friends. So get ready for our Evil Empire to expand. It’s gonna be good.
Dani and Britt