I don’t even really need to write a blog now. That title just did all the work for me.
So, I know that y’all really come to twoevilactors.com to read about this beautiful goddess Britt and all her exploits, so you probably didn’t miss my posts that much. BUT STILL. Here I am.
Britt left, I cried a million tears and died a million deaths, Britt learned how to edit film like a mothafucka in Australia, I puttered around the house crying, Britt wrote 5 blog posts, I wrote in my journal sad poems about how much I missed Britt, then Britt finally came home and now I’m back to life again.
Ugh. Life is hard without Britt. I mean… I guess I’ve been doing some stuff while she was gone. I will attempt to talk about it. And here it is!!
WTF is Dani doing??
1. Hanging out with my LOML. (((love. of. my. life.)))
Sorry Ryan. I know we are fairly private people but I have to say what I’ve been up to because of honesty and artistic expression and all that jazz and HOLY crap. This guy.
Ryan and I were so stoked to see Britt and ALL be reunited that the TWO loves of my life got these sweet tattoos.
I got a tattoo of their faces but I can’t tell you where. Some privacy must remain.
But honestly, we are here to talk about artistic process, not sexy bearded men with the bone structure of a god.
As I mentioned previously, THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. However, I’ve been realizing that “the struggle” is no excuse to not create. In fact, the struggle is nothing.
My first period of time out of grad school was marked by an inordinate amount of panic. But the thing is, I work hard, I live within my means, and sh** works out. Spending energy panicking about money is the equivalent of NOT spending energy creating.
…That’s the goal anyway. I’ve learned so much about fine dining and wine and gastronomy (AKA cheffery) in the past two months and this is my fave job ever. Simbal is so good to its employees and I’m so lucky to have this job and the food is BOMB. Come visit me at work. I’ll be there this Friday and Saturday night.
4. Fostering creative projects.
…I can’t say too much right now, because I don’t know how far these things will go, but here are some of the buns I have in the oven.
a) I may or may not be a part of a startup theatre company that creates awesome devised work.
b) I may or may not be guest starring in a badass hilarious web series.
c) I may or may not be an astronaut
d) I may or may not be writing a buddy comedy web series with a talented dude who is about to BLOW UP.
e) Britt and I may or may not have written a rap. And storyboarded a music video for it.
f) I may or may not be training for a marathon.
g) I may or may not be finalizing a draft of my first screenplay.
h) I may or may not be starting a backyard concert series of live music at my house, AKA the Pussy Riot Lodge, this September.
i) I may or may not be the Democratic presidential nominee for 2016.
Many of these projects are still in their infancy, so I cannot speak to their longevity. But if you know me, you know that I am a COMMITTED lady and I like to get shit done. Stay tuned for more juicy developments in all of these departments.
5. Learning how to stay artistically alive. As usual.
I had a couple of auditions this past week, which is not an easy thing for a generic white lady with no representation or credits in Los Angeles, and I was reminded of how SHARP you have to be in order to really take advantage of those opportunities. Nobody is going to keep you ready except for yourself.
The other thing I did last week to stay artistically alive, besides eat up those tasty audition scripts like sweet sweet honey, was to take a few days to walk 41 miles by myself in the woods.
If you ever lose track of who are at your essential core, if you ever forget that you are an awesome human in an awesome body with awesome consciousness, take as little as you can into the woods and walk for as far as you can.
I often discount the value of just existing and being, out of an inflated sense of ambition. But BEING is as important as DOING. I guess that’s why I mentioned my Love at the start of this list. He is a constant source of inspiration and motivation, and falling in love with him has been the most heart-opening experience of my life. It’s opened up a creative freedom in me that I haven’t had before, and it’s only recently that I’ve started to transform that sense of freedom into a sense of action, because I’ve been too busy simply enjoying life. And I have the intuition that this period of time is about gathering internal resources for a busy time to come.
…Hopefully. Which leads me to…
6. Experiencing a lot of disappointment, and occasionally freaking out.
Come on, I would be a total fraud if I didn’t say that it has been a difficult transition from the magical land of Grad School and Getting To Act All The Time to the land of Oh God I’m Never Going To Act Again.
Being an actor is harrrrrrrd.
But I’ll talk more about that later. The moral of this story is that Britt is back for a hot minute, my existence has meaning again, and life is a big messy complicated mixed bag of everything. The moral of the story is also that I’m so deeply happy that I can’t contain it and any disappointments are fleeting compared to the glory of being alive.