I am now on my third week of real post-grad-school life. Just kidding. It’s more like Here is the highlights reel of Dani’s life post-graduation. I was going to do a graduation post but the sweetest best friend a girl … Continue reading
People are all,
“Heeeey Britt, it’s so cool that you’re a Big Time LA actor these days. Your life must be soooo exciting and glamorous. Show us a little bit of that Red Carpet Slice O’ Life!” **
To which I say:
(I’ve seen the edge of my Soul and it is Dark.)
**actually, I’m pretty sure no one has ever said this, ever.
**But, I am wrong, and you have in fact said this, or want to say this, please approach me. You are good for my ego and I love you.
As I sit in my in my basement closet-room writing this blog, I turn up my music in an attempt to drown out the commotion upstairs that is my four 21-year old male roommates experimenting with homemade beer-brewing. Ahhh, the wonders of young adulthood.
…Am I in that? Is that phase of life I am in? Well the votes are in, and the answer is YES, I am, apparently.
Someone wake me up from this nightmare!
Nah, being an “adult” is rad. You can eat ice cream whenever the eff you want and stuff like that.
I often feel that I am a really large child posing as an adult–a “faux-dult”, if you will– so I need to be mindful of keeping my adult-liness in check. For example, I need to take more of an interest in cooking (I can make a mean grilled cheese and can class my ramen up with prosciutto and lemon), have a better understanding of how I car works (I know that it moves when I put my foot on the pedal), and be more proactive in obtaining HEALTH INSURANCE.
Ahhh, health insurance, you tricky, tricky bastard.
The Unattainable Artist Dream that is “Health Insurance” has been on my mind a lot lately in light of recent (and painful) events that loved ones have found themselves in. Ladies and gentlemen, this is where it becomes very tricky to be an artist or creative free-lancer of any kind. WHY must it be this way?? (Okay okay, another discussion for another time, back to the more relevant-ramblings at hand.)
So how do I crack this adulting-code? When will I know when I’m “doing it” right? When I’m not living in my younger brother’s basement? When I have health insurance? When I move to a big city and support myself there? When I own a house? Have kids? Everyone’s formula is different, I know, but SHIT. Someone give me a clue, here.
Cue Britt-of-the-Past! She has some clues for us all! I found this list in a notebook of mine from last summer:
Britt’s Adulting Wisdom:
~AAA is invaluable. For a little over $100/year, this auto service will save your ass, every time. No need to weep on the side of the road while your car is up in smoke anymore. Yay!
~Take advantage of “free” office supplies at your desk job. Print those resumes and scripts and audition sides, girl! You like those highlighters? They’re YOURS! Only– be ninja about it. Do not cause suspicion amongst your co-workers, it’s only a matter of time before they realize that all of the 1-inch black binders gone.
~Know how to use the public transportation system and take advantage of it.
~It is okay to be a food scavenger, but be classy about it. This is a very fine line, so don’t be a sketchy bitch. Trust that food will find you. No mooching.
~Keep your living space, no matter how small, clean and organized. If not, you will die.
~Once you smart-phone, you can’t go back (I’m sure Dani can speak to this). Your iPhone is your new life-preserver. This sounds pathetic, but just go with it. It will save your ass when you’re lost, help you out when you don’t know how much to tip, and will happily guide your Facebook stalking while you’re wasting hours of precious life at the DMV.
~DO NOT LET YOUR REGISTRATION TABS EXPIRE.
~Wear sunscreen. You’re white.
…The list ended there, but I clearly need to keep adding to it. For example, I just implemented this groundbreaking new system in my life to keep me from using my credit card:
Feel free to use that little trick. Everyone knows that rules written on Post-It Notes are rules of the highest authority. And for double the adulting fun, steal those Post-It’s from your desk job!! Mwaaahaaaaa.
So! Let me catch you guys up on what I was up to this week! 😀
Monday and Tuesday kicked off Week Three of principal photography for Steven Richter‘s feature film, Birds of Neptune. There are only two shooting days left for me on this project, which will resume at the end of the month. And after a two and a half week marathon of 12-16 hour shooting days, I was happy to have a day off on Wednesday before returning to my desk job on Thursday.
After a month away from my day job, I came back to this:
But… there was also this, so it was okay.
My big homecoming back to work was pretty anti-climactic, and thank goodness for that! Part of me was worried that I would not have a job to come back to after so much time away. When someone else is trained to do your job in your absence, you can’t help but be awakened to the fact that you are.. replaceable. Buuuut… it’s all good! I have the BEST, most awesome, flexible day job in all of Portland! THANK YOU DAY JOB FOR EXISTING! 😀
My week was also filled with auditions. The highlight of these being:
1.) I am currently “on avail” for a guest-star role on a new TNT TV show pilot starring Geena Davis. In the auditioning process for television, being put “on avail” is as far as you can go in the game before you book the job. So, I’m pleased to know that I am at least doing my job well! I will find out in the next couple days if I book or get released from the job, so keep your fingers crossed! (This girl could sure use some money for the move to LA!!)
2.) I had a callback this week for a promo directed by Timothy Hutton. So yeah, no big deal…I got to do some scene work in the audition room with Christian Kane and received direction from Mr. T. Hutton himself. This experience was definitely a surprise and they were both super rad! I had a ton of fun.
This week has treated me pretty well. 🙂
And you know what? Auditioning is fucking fun. I need to remember that. The prep-work and logistics of auditions can be so damn stressful (especially this Tuesday when I had to rush from set in West Lin to SE Portland for the TV pilot callback and got stuck in horrible traffic…!), but auditioning is my job. And I love my job.
I’m tired as usual, but am still loving the Crazy. But I suppose this is characteristic of the life of a pseudo-adult.
…Whatever, I do what I want.
You guys. I’ve changed.
…I turned 26 this past Wednesday.
26!! What does this MEAN?!
Will I not get called in for teenage roles anymore? Can I no longer say I’m in my early-20’s?! Oh my GAWWWWW!!
…But for real. This 26-year-old monster could not be more pumped to tear shit up this year. 2013 has already been an amazing year of personal growth and adventure–and now I get to start my own Personal New-Year! Birthdays are the best.
(PLUS my girl Dani gave me the best bday present ever. You know your life is fail-proof after experiencing love like that. GAHH, Dani! Come back to PDX and get into my arms immediately!!)
I spent my bday this year doing what I love to do the most. 12 hours of it! On-set birthdays are the best, you guys. At lunch break that day, my Birds of Neptune family surprised me with a big ‘ol chocolate cake (they must have picked up on the whole chocoholic thing, as I stuff my pockets full of candy each time I visit the crafty table) and birthday merriment.
In case you were wondering, I did eat most of that cake myself. It was delicious. Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting with chocolate gooey goodness inside and chocolate sprinkles…Mmmm. And you know what, I needed all the sugar and caffeine I could get to push me through this week of intensity…
Let me recap!
We wrapped Week 2 of principal photography for Steven Richter’s feature film, Birds of Neptune this Friday. To quickly sum up this week and its effects: Five days straight of 12-16 hours of work on set + dark material = weekend hibernation land. And some crying. …But it feels good. Only six full days left…I kind of wish I could live in this routine forever.
I also had auditioning-with-blue-hair fun this week:
…It’s not easy being blue.
IT’S TRUE!! *sob*
Anyway. What was I talking about?
Oh yeah. Auditions!
With the intense shooting schedule for BON this week, I must admit it was a bit stressful to rush off set during my lunch break and change into audition-appropriate clothes, pull my hair back to mask as much of the blue as possible, shake the world and character I had been living in, and all the while expect myself to be a charming, functional human being in the audition room. BUT. All of that mess was awesome too. I felt like a total badass to stay so busy and on track with my goals. I owe the crew & production team of BON my life for being so flexible with me and my shenanigans. I love those guys.
This week also brought the excitement of starting a project with these two:
The incredible team that is model/actress Mia Allen and writer/filmmaker AJ Brooks is in pre-production for a new episodic project. Stay tuned. The soon-to-be-on-screen-duo of Britt & Mia will be super rad.
And the mailman brought me my new super-legit business cards this week! Ka-blam!
So yeah… I must say… 26 is treating me pretty damn good so far. I am lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing, supportive, talented and passionate people every day…
…And that’s all the mush you’ll get out of me. Back to the normal Britt-programming:
Cats and poop, CATS AND POOP!!
Damn, it feels good to be 26.
This week has been a week of surrender.
Some weeks are periods of work, some weeks are times of triumph, or stress, or badassery… but mine? Definitely a week surrender.
This is what had kept me powering (with what power reserves I had left) through my workday:
That’s right. The dreaded PDX cold/flu season is upon us once again. I guess you could argue that this is the case 9-months-out-of-the-fucking-year here, but the month of January seemed to hit especially hard this time around. It’s like the plague. I’m talking about the kind of sick you want to hibernate two weeks through just to get to the other side of it.
Ultimate body shutdown can be a blessing in disguise. At least for me. It makes me forget the worries and burdens I am constantly carrying around. Later I wonder, “Really? I had to get to sick to realize that the world isn’t going to end if I don’t solve every one of my problems overnight?” That’s right. Even after shutting the daily routine down for a few days, all of that junk is there waiting for me on the other side. Right where I left it. (Epiphany!)
I am about to pull the trigger on a series of choices that will lead up to a pretty big change in how I will be living my life. That’s right people, I’m moving to Los Angeles.
Dani recently called me out on “being in the closet” about my plans to move, and she is right– it’s time to come out. I have been going back and forth about this event for about a year now, and I would say that this strategic life move for me is, at least at this point, equal parts undeniable-gut-pull and fear. This fear has reduced me over the past few months to a small, wavering voice in my own head that I do not recognize, afraid to make a decision for the deathfear of making the wrong one. If anything will ultimately destroy me, over-thinking things will. Simultaneously however, this fear makes my gut-pull stronger, making me want to move in the scary direction even more.
Someone once told me that fear is an indicator we are moving closer to the truth. I’ve carried this thought with me since.
I came across this recently: “There is nothing to be afraid of. The truth is the truth. You are better off knowing the truth than to not know it.” -Jack Canfield
Hmmm. That doesn’t make things sound so scary. The truth is just the truth. It is what it is.
So I guess, I am on a constant quest for truth. When things don’t feel right, I am compelled to adjust them. As an actor, this makes sense. It’s written in us–the unquenchable desire to find truth in each moment and tell stories that matter. Soooo (another epiphany!), I know that I need to find truth. My truth. My story. Not someone else’s story, or the story others want me to tell. And lately I realize I’m just scared out of my mind to make the decisions I need to make to get closer to it. This knowledge of my own truth has become a burden to me for reasons that MAKE NO SENSE. Why fight them? Let go. Surrender.
“I am not afraid. I was born to do this.” –Joan of Arc
I thought about all of this in a weird in-between-sleep-and-awake state that one seems to spend hours in while sick. Physically letting go somehow opened the door for me to mentally and emotionally let go as well. And I think in the midst of this life change and big choices, I needed that. I needed the sick time. I thank the sick time.
But I didn’t just wallow in my bed all week, NoSireeBob (though trust me, I did do a lot of that). Here is a re-cap on interesting endeavors that came my way over the past few days:
My Week Recap
I finally watched this little beauty! “Throng” is a mockumentary about the auditions process and the northwest film scene at large, produced by my friends at We’ll Fix It In Post Productions. Let’s just say you’ll see a familiar face (cough cough) make a few (slightly embarrassing) cameos. (…isn’t it normal to get asked out during a casting??)
And speaking of auditioning, this week also brought about casting sessions for my pal Amir Shirazi’s musical, “Crumbs”, that will be workshopped next month. I always find it very interesting as an actor to sit on the other side of the casting table. I think I learn more from watching 40 auditions than doing 900 of them myself.
Here is a Mr. Amir and Mr. Max Maller in action, looking oh-so-very-serious (stopitboys, immediately):
But mainly… the energy of my week was spent on an intense focus of getting through my day job so I could head straight to bed and be pathetic. Don’t be fooled.
Take your vitamin C and zinc people, because at least in Portland, winter is out to get you. (Or, get sick and super hopped-up on cold meds and have life epiphanies of your own. Wheeee!!)
Until next time,
Sometimes it’s hard to remember how things start. Often, if I trace a thought or conversation back far enough, I astound myself by the seemingly arbitrary moment that spurred the whole thing down a rabbit hole of crucial experience. I think about this a lot with relationships too. Like how I met Dani.
I don’t remember the first moment of meeting my best friend. I just remember, as a junior at the University of Portland, one of my comrades telling me that a rockstar freshman drama/music student was in the performing arts department now. She was beautiful. She was talented. She was outgoing. She was hilarious. She was… blond.
“It’s like… she’s you! But younger.”
See, I (Dani) showed up at University of Portland and everyone kept calling me Britt because it is very easy to confuse the two of us. I simply did not argue with the mixup, because I was totally flattered.
I didn’t know how to take that at the time. How could I? Me, a 20-year-old girl defending her drama turf? Come ON, people!! But let’s just say… it didn’t take me long to discover that this beautiful, talented, hilarious, blond… FORCE…was the other part of my very SOUL.
Dude. I wish I could see myself through Britt’s eyes sometimes because I am SERIOUSLY not that cool. And Britt, if you edit this out later Imma mail you a box full of poop. Goddamnit.
Also, we have to stop jacking each other off! Everyone already knows we’re in love! Okay, okay.
Nearly every moment is a beginning for something. A reason to make something, connect with someone, find a new piece of yourself.
So how did this blog begin? Let me take you down the rabbit hole, by sharing something that is relevant to the mission statement of twoevilactors in that we talk about acting career stuff.
(Britt and Dani have a bitter bitching session over g-chat, instead of actually doing their office jobs.)
May 17, 2012, 1:11 PM
Dani: dude. I just went on an “audition” and I am real frustrated. it was for a commercial.
Britt: oh gaaawwwd
don’t worry, i totally suck at those too
I’m just Awkward City all over the place.
Dani: I don’t know what it is! Oh my god that makes me feel better.
It’s just YUCKY and AWKWARD
and it makes me feel so inadequate for no reason.
Britt: i feel the SAME way. seriously. every. single. time. and yet somehow, sometimes, the job works out.
Dani: It just feels like… “Why am I here? What do they want?”
Britt: what was it for?
Dani: It was for a sports commercial. I got the audition because I ski. But they had us come in tight athletic wear and I just kept thinking that instead of looking at my yoga pants and analyzing my thigh thickness they should put me in a god damn parka and watch me ski.
See, I would watch THAT commercial.
Dani: lol. GAWD. thanks for listening, babe. I was SO stressed out by this nonsense.
And it paid SO WELL. And I can never get that out of my head when I’m there. “Omigod this job is for SO much money and i’m sooo broke”
Britt: oh sweetie!! i’m sorry you were stressed. I know, the money thing is really hard to get past. it will sabotage you if you’re not careful. i can’t stop thinking that any time i have a callback for guest star for a TV show or something… totally ruins it, makes me get in my head if I think about it. money sucks. being poor is pretty fun, right?
Dani: It’s just comforting to know that you have these thoughts too, you know.
Dude you and I are ALL OVER the internet right now.
Britt: I KNOW!!!
Dani: g-chat, gmail, fbook
Britt: WELCOME TO MY PRODUCTIVE WORKDAY
…IF THEY ONLY KNEW!
Dani: This is it!!!!!! Why do they pay me?
OH my god trying so hard not to laugh at my desk
Britt: ME TOO
let’s move to LA now and go to the beach
(11 minutes later. Britt and Dani decide to start a blog and Britt returns a weird collection of items which she borrowed from Dani.)
May 17, 2012, 1:22 PM
Dani: Scroll to the bottom of this blog post and watch the video myfavoriteandmybest.com
Britt: is this the blog you were telling me about? i’m going to follow it
Dani: It is! Oh it’s so good!
What are some of yours that you follow?
(Britt proceeds to list quite a number of blogs)
Britt: yaaay bloooggsss
you are so awesome to have a blog. i always think i would absolutely suck at it
Dani: Thanks man. It’d be cooler if I was more on top of it. I’ve kind of lost the sense of what my niche is.
I don’t think you would suck at it at all! I would LOVE to read your blog!
I bet it would be hilarious.
Britt: hahaha yeaaahh…
we should have a joint LA blog when the time comes
who WOULDN’T wanna follow that shit?!
Dani: It would be badass! And soooo confusing to those who don’t know us.
Dani: We could both be the evil twin.
Britt: ooooo love the way you think
Dani: It would probably be equal parts diabolical and inspirational.
like you. and me.
Britt: i agree
i love us. it’s dumb how much i love us.
Dani: hahahaha!!! I love this idea!!!
Britt: ME TOO!!!
oh! and don’t let me forget to give you a bunch of your crap from my apt tonight! i don’t want to forget since i will be staying in this other place all week
Dani: oh yeah!
Britt: you know… in case you need your stapler… or strainer… or boob cutlets… all of which i have…HAHA
I actually do need all of those things.
So I can have big tits while straining and stapling.
….that sounds like a weird porn.
million dollar idea right there
dammit D, I am supposed to be working!!
i am so bad at working…
god we are the worst
Dani: haha! yeah okay I REALLY have to work now.
Britt: ok ok me too!! talk later !! xo
And thus, the seed was planted. The idea was born. Two and a half months later Dani left for Los Angeles. Five months after that, we started this blog.
Yup, I love this girl.
Back at ya, strainer-tits.