britt talks surrender

This week has been a week of surrender.

Some weeks are periods of work, some weeks are times of triumph, or stress, or badassery… but mine? Definitely a week surrender.

This is what had kept me powering (with what power reserves I had left) through my workday:PDX cold season

That’s right. The dreaded PDX cold/flu season is upon us once again. I guess you could argue that this is the case 9-months-out-of-the-fucking-year here, but the month of January seemed to hit especially hard this time around. It’s like the plague. I’m talking about the kind of sick you want to hibernate two weeks through just to get to the other side of it.

Ultimate body shutdown can be a blessing in disguise. At least for me. It makes me forget the worries and burdens I am constantly carrying around. Later I wonder, “Really? I had to get to sick to realize that the world isn’t going to end if I don’t solve every one of my problems overnight?” That’s right. Even after shutting the daily routine down for a few days, all of that junk is there waiting for me on the other side. Right where I left it. (Epiphany!)

I am about to pull the trigger on a series of choices that will lead up to a pretty big change in how I will be living my life. That’s right people, I’m moving to Los Angeles. 

Dani recently called me out on “being in the closet” about my plans to move, and she is right– it’s time to come out. I have been going back and forth about this event for about a year now, and I would say that this strategic life move for me is, at least at this point, equal parts undeniable-gut-pull and fear. This fear has reduced me over the past few months to a small, wavering voice in my own head that I do not recognize, afraid to make a decision for the deathfear of making the wrong one. If anything will ultimately destroy me, over-thinking things will. Simultaneously however, this fear makes my gut-pull stronger, making me want to move in the scary direction even more. 

Someone once told me that fear is an indicator we are moving closer to the truth. I’ve carried this thought with me since.

I came across this recently: “There is nothing to be afraid of. The truth is the truth. You are better off knowing the truth than to not know it.” -Jack Canfield

Hmmm. That doesn’t make things sound so scary. The truth is just the truth. It is what it is.

So I guess, I am on a constant quest for truth. When things don’t feel right, I am compelled to adjust them. As an actor, this makes sense. It’s written in us–the unquenchable desire to find truth in each moment and tell stories that matter. Soooo (another epiphany!), I know that I need to find truth. My truth. My story. Not someone else’s story, or the story others want me to tell. And lately I realize I’m just scared out of my mind to make the decisions I need to make to get closer to it. This knowledge of my own truth has become a burden to me for reasons that MAKE NO SENSE. Why fight them? Let go. Surrender.

“I am not afraid. I was born to do this.” –Joan of Arc

I thought about all of this in a weird in-between-sleep-and-awake state that one seems to spend hours in while sick. Physically letting go somehow opened the door for me to mentally and emotionally let go as well. And I think in the midst of this life change and big choices, I needed that. I needed the sick time. I thank the sick time.

But I didn’t just wallow in my bed all week, NoSireeBob (though trust me, I did do a lot of that). Here is a re-cap on interesting endeavors that came my way over the past few days:

My Week Recap

I finally watched this little beauty! “Throng” is a mockumentary about the auditions process and the northwest film scene at large, produced by my friends at We’ll Fix It In Post Productions. Let’s just say you’ll see a familiar face (cough cough) make a few (slightly embarrassing) cameos. (…isn’t it normal to get asked out during a casting??)

And speaking of auditioning, this week also brought about casting sessions for my pal Amir Shirazi’s musical, “Crumbs”, that will be workshopped next month. I always find it very interesting as an actor to sit on the other side of the casting table. I think I learn more from watching 40 auditions than doing 900 of them myself.

Here is a Mr. Amir and Mr. Max Maller in action, looking oh-so-very-serious (stopitboys, immediately):

Amir & Max

And here is Mr. Andrew Bray, our fearless accompanist, making a poopy face:
Andrew…All taken with the amazing quality of my iphone. Like ya do.

But mainly… the energy of my week was spent on an intense focus of getting through my day job so I could head straight to bed and be pathetic. Don’t be fooled.

Take your vitamin C and zinc people, because at least in Portland, winter is out to get you. (Or, get sick and super hopped-up on cold meds and have life epiphanies of your own. Wheeee!!)

Until next time,

Britt

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britt talks 2013

My girl Dani left Portland this past Monday to return to her sunny home in Silverlake. Though I am sad to see her leave, we took full advantage of our time together by packing more fun and awesomeness into one week than I thought possible. I could not imagine a better way to kick off the new year. 2013 is going to be huge, we can both feel it. My dear friend Stephen told me over coffee the other day, “2012 was a year of preparation. 2013 is a year of action”. I could not agree more. This also scares the ever-living crap out of me because it means I can’t punk out on the plans I have created for myself… and I have so many plans. So many huge, lofty, pie-in-the-sky plans.

…Which brings me to this:

Hey Britt!! Let’s have a check-in!

Okay!!

Part of my desire to write this blog, aside from being able to spend quality time with my Dani from afar and help other creative types know that they are not alone in their insanity, is to keep myself in check. To keep myself accountable. To keep moving and to never settle. To do what makes me happy, what pushes me out of my comfort zone, and what moves me closer to my dream life.

So, in brief, my personal blog entries are mainly to remind myself of this:

2 step plan

photo courtesy of http://www.yesandyes.org

SO, here’s my check in.

My Week in Art

Monday. Kicked off a new show I am producing with my theatre company entitled “Velvet Sky”. It’s going to be awesome. I am so lucky to have the creative home that I have at Theatre Vertigo. Here are some photos I snapped from the first read:

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That handsome devil in the mask is Vertigo member Andy Lee-Hillstrom, who will be playing the role of Sandman. I am already having beautiful, beautiful nightmares. More info on the show here: The Velvet Sky. That’s right, it’s going to be fucking awesome.

Tuesday. Had a shoot at the Oregon Coast for a music video. It was a million degrees below zero with a wind speed of infinity, but it was still really fun:

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My favorite thing about this shoot was exploring Fort Stevens. Everything reminded of being on a Walking Dead set (OMG zombies are awesome):

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Wednesday. I had the pleasure of catching up over drinks with the lovely people who created this animation:

…Needless to say, I laughed ’til I peed. For four hours straight.

Thursday. Pre-production meeting for my amazing friend Amir Shirazi’s musical, Crumbs, in production next month. This is us “working”:

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…when what we’re actually doing is a ukulele cover of the TLC song, “No Scrubs” for the entire bar. Cafe Side Door (aka my living room) will forever have my undying love for tolerating my antics on practically a daily basis. We’re a traveling troupe of minstrels, people!!

Friday. Had an afternoon of rehearsal for the feature film, “Birds of Neptune”, being shot in Portland next month:

Birds of Neptune promo shot

Promo shot for Birds of Neptune, (c) Reverie Films

Whew. SO yeah. I had a ton of fun this week. Thank you friends and internet world, for holding me accountable to the self acknowledgement of my progress in creating the life that I want. 😀

But let’s be real. Things aren’t all work and no play (well, a lot of what I do for work is play, but never you mind). Here are some fun things that propelled me through my week:

My Week in Inspiration

This lovely surprise that Dani left me in my apartment before she left town on Monday:

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My “spirit animal” as wall art, per Dani.

This council crest trek with my friend Stephen when the *GASP!!* sun (!!) came out:

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Portland + Sun = GLORY

Books that are currently blowing my mind:

The Creative Habit                         the chronology of water

“Everything is raw material. Everything is relevant. Everything is usable.”  –Twyla Tharp

“I know that will well now. It’s the will of certain mothers and daughters. It comes from living in bodies that can carry life or kill it. ” –Lidia Yuknavitch, The Chronology of Water

———

Aaaaaand I’m spent!

I wish you magic and fun in your week, my friends!

Much love,

Britt

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