I just finished writing down a list of worries and fears into a notebook and then chugging a 16oz coffee. I think both of these things were good decisions.
I’m not going to lie, you guys… this week has been a bit of a struggle for me. It has been one of those weeks where I felt the need to change my iPhone, personal laptop, and work computer backgrounds to inspirational shit like this:
..that’s how you KNOW its bad.
In a nutshell, this week has been a whole lot of Brain Mess and a whole lot of GCOES.
What is GCOES, you ask? Oh, friends…
GCOES is this:
… “Glass Case Of Emotion Shark”. I’m pretty sure it’s my spirit animal.*
But really. I can joke about anything to make myself feel better (and it almost always works), but I also believe it is important to let yourself feel and fully process the not-so-happy stuff. It is valuable for me to feel that heart-break, that stress, that fear… so I can own it. Because I cannot change what I do not own.
Dani said to me a couple of days ago: “Remember to surrender. Control is just an illusion anyway.”
Wow. D. You save my life and my sanity everyday.
I need to “remember to surrender“. Isn’t that beautiful? I mean, it’s so true that even it rhymes, people! So one would think it would be way easier to remember. But it’s totally not. Giving up control, especially for me, is difficult.
The Surrender post was a pretty big deal for me to write back in January. It allowed me to give myself permission to publicly “come out” about my plans to move to Los Angeles and to stop defending my personal and professional decisions to others. Even if I end up in a gutter somewhere, I’d much rather be chillin’ in that gutter as a result of acting on my instincts than sleepwalking through life, unfulfilled.
See how the GCOES is coming out?! It’s awesome. Let that crazy GCOES flag fly. Who cares! I’m GCOES and proud!
GCOES must be here to teach me something. I have made the choice to not settle for Comfortable. I have made the choice to tell those I love how I feel about them. I have made the choice to be vulnerable, knowing that my heart will get hurt. I have made the choice to be a good human. I have made the choice to spend quality time in limbo, waiting for the pieces to fall into place.
And you know the best part of being in limbo? This song.
At least for me, Radiohead makes everything okay.
And also, dancing.
Mad, mad, dancing. In your underwear. To something embarrassing like Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” or Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA”. I may or may not have done this already today…maybe.
And on that note…
I know you all will now use the term GCOES in your everyday speech. It is okay. You have my blessing. Go forth and spread my genius. #GCOESandproud.
all my love,
*(Full credit given to my dear friend Suzzane for finding this GCOES gem on the interwebs and integrating it into my everyday vocabulary.)