britt leaves her day job.

Today… is a big deal.

I am leaving my day job to…–GASP–… ACT FULL TIME! And then… move to Los Angeles.

Yes, folks, it’s true. WHAT GOLD I HAVE STRUCK!

Let me explain.

I got a job at Artists Repertory Theatre doing the West Coast premiere of The Big Meal by Dan LeFranc. And let me tell you… I have never been so excited to do a play…EVER. The script is amazing, the cast is amazing, the director is amazing… I am on cloud nine. I cannot wait to get to work for our first rehearsal on Monday.

The Big Meal at ART

The Big Meal at ART

This show opens the beginning of September and runs through the middle of October. And then…! I am OUT. See ya, Portland, Hello Hollywood! (Read as: See ya, Moderate Stability, Hello, Poor-Britt-Living-Out-of-Her-Car-and-Only-Eating-20-Cent-Bananas!) It’s going to be rad.

Life is good. And scary. And uncertain. And thrilling. And EVERYTHING. And I love it.

ALSO! DANI returned home to LA today from her Grand India Adventure!!

TODAY IS SUCH A BIG DAY!!

Okay. I’m coming down off of my caffeine rush a little bit now, I promise.

So, I’m leaving my day job. And I’m kind of sad. I love my day job. I love the people, I love the place, I love how flexible they are with my hours and how understanding they are of my other commitments. I love how I can show up when I want, leave when I want, and– as long as the job gets done– no one seems to care. I feel very lucky. And am very grateful to have had this job for the past year and a half.

I had a going-away lunch party this afternoon.

Check this out:

photo

awww.

Awww!

Awww!

AWWWW!!!

AWWWW!!!

In case you can’t tell, this last photo displays the beautiful “Advice For When You Move to LA” cards that each of my co-workers bestowed upon me. It’s pretty brilliant shit. I am keeping them forever. In my wallet.

Some of my faves include:

~”Don’t mess with people who have bad pictures of you/wearing headphones do not make farts silent/enjoy the moment”

~”Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes are NOT appropriate role models”

~”Don’t get on the highways during rush hour “(impossible)

~”Stay an Oregonian–don’t use an umbrella if it rains”

~”Protect the ‘Secret’ of Portland”

~”Eat more ‘choklit’ “

-“Make sure to get a cat to keep you sane…purrrr”

…Like I said, I love my coworkers.

I am genuinely sad to leave, but I am proud to make the first big step in moving forward with what I want in my life. And I know that making that step is seldom comfortable or easy.

Today I feel lucky, content, a little shaky, and very, very grateful. You’ve been good to me, reliable-office-job… you have been good to me.

See? Look! I am so happy! Look at me filing!

See? Look! I am so happy! Look at me filing!

I am also very grateful for the awesome crap that has been going on in my real world the past two weeks:

My (Past Couple) Week(s):

I have had excessive commercial auditions, ordered and printed my new headshots, got my reel cut (Thank you, Americonic Films!), and got a little more sleep than expected (…score).

 Also, The Tamer Tamed with Portland Shakespeare Project opened:

psp1

psp2

…And we’re having a lot of fun!

Clearly. I mean, look at us.

psp3

I shot a new short film with Chris R. Wilson (We’ll Fix It In Post Productions) of Cleverbot (Do You Love Me)/Bad Signs/James Vs. Reality fame:

(c) We'll Fix It In Post Prod.

(c) We’ll Fix It In Post Prod.

(c) We'll Fix It In Post Prod.

(c) We’ll Fix It In Post Prod.

I guarantee that this film is one for the books, people. I’m not going to give it away, but let’s just say you’ll be seeing a lot of this little short all over the interwebs soon. It will be epic. And I may be a bit of an idiot in it. We shall see. But regardless, this was–hands-down–the most entertaining shoot I have ever been a part of.

this will all make sense later. I promise.

this will all make sense later. I promise.

Speaking of Chris R. Wilson and his shenanigans, Cleverbot (Do You Love Me) was featured on Buzzfeed again! Seeing as I waste a shameful amount of my life on Buzzfeed looking at pictures of stoned cats and Things That Remind Me of My Childhood/ 90’s, it is crazy to see my face on there. And this happened not once, but twice! The first time (back in February) there was a thumbnail of my face at the top of the webpage in between a thumbnail of Miley Cyrus’s face and a thumbnail of Kate Middleton’s face. MIND=BLOWN. Aaaaaand… that was the high point of my life, folks! We can all go home now.

But seriously. I am going to go home now because I am about to leave my cubicle for the last time from the day job I (surprisingly) love. And that is a BOOOLD statement, coming from someone who has trouble sitting still.

Peace out, Office Job… it’s been real.

keep it classy, cubicle.

keep it classy, cubicle.

Thanks for reading, friends!

~britt

the googlesearch game

Happy Friday, everyone!! From Portland, Oregon and Ladakh, India, your friends Britt and Dani would like to give you a little weekend treat.

Yes. Happy Friday indeed.

And this Friday we would like to introduce you to a little game that Dani and I like to call: “The (Exclusive Two Evil Actors) Google Search Game”. Welcome aboard, sports fans.

As you may recall from our oh-so-popular post“hotswetymonkysex” (which, oddly enough, got WAAAAAY more hits than any of our other posts… thanks a lot, you gross f*ckers), good Christians from around the world type very questionable things into search engines and find our blog.

…I know, SHOCKING. Because we are so appropriate and PC. It’s hard to believe.

But the stats don’t lie, people.

In the past, our blog has been discovered by typing in popular buzz-words and phrases such as:

“gypsy transvestite”

“american actors all look the same”

“tickle torture”

“kittens saying poop”,

and of course, the ever popular: “hotswetymonkysex”.

…And that’s just in one week, my friends. Each week brings whole new box of gems. And lucky for us, I’m sure each week also brings tens of millions of new follows who happened to stumble across our incrediblog by typing in the catch-phrase: “bitches be like size doesn’t matter”.

So, without further adieu, here are the winners of this week’s edition of the Two Evil Actors Google Search Game:

“flying fart gif”

“crying at desk”

“bitch please i’m a virgo”

“shoulder stand girl lift and carry”

“peanut birthday”

“two bitches are together”

“meditation posture ‘fart’ ” (…do we see a theme here?)

…and my personal fave:

“pigments of your imagination clown”.

I’m so honored to know we’re reaching such a broad and diverse audience. We are truly making a difference here, people. We’re giving back. That’s called COMMUNITY.

Now go forth and do something epic for your community this weekend. Hug a kitten that knows how to say “poop”.

love from your evil farty yogi peanuts,

evilactors

~britt who is sort of pretending to be dani right now & dani who is in India

britt talks cubicles, ke$ha, and getting enough SUN

Last you heard from me I was cracking out on sunshine and recovering from a stress-induced lizard-woman disease. (I know, I know, I am so attractive sometimes.) But you know. Just trying to keep you up to speed here. Trying to keep it real.

Anyway.

The SUN! Oh god, the SUN!! It was so beautiful and so fleeting! And then the rain came back! And then the rain left again and then the sun came back! And now we are BACK with a second round of Portland Summer Fake-Out!! BOOM!!

portland summer meme

As if my last post wasn’t enough of an indicator for you, I kind of lose my shit when the sun comes out. And all of the baaaack and forrrrrth with this hot love affair between PDX and the sun has really been toying with my HEART. It has been getting more and more difficult for me to stay focused at my day job when the sun is blaring through the windows and skylights (and thank goodness for those, let me tell you, I’ll take vitamin D where I can get it). My restlessness has become overwhelming and my ability to sit still for more than ten minutes is now a thing of the past. I find that I have been taking far too many walks during my work day for it to be considered acceptable.

Oh look, where am I walking to? The Broadway Bridge? Whoops! I am accidentally NO WHERE NEAR my work anymore...

Oh look, where am I walking to? The Broadway Bridge? Whoops! I am accidentally NO WHERE NEAR my work anymore…

Ohhhhh the many distracting qualities of clear blue skies…

Staying cooped-up during the daylight hours (and being expected to sit down and stay still for so long) is difficult for me. And it’s not just during the sunny days. It’s pretty much all the time. I’m discovering that being an office-monkey is becoming more and more unrealistic for me…

OMG OFFICE-MONKEYING!

My girl Dani once kept a blog devoted entirely to the topic of Office Monkey-ing and office humor from the perspective of an artist trapped in a corporate environment.

Okay… perhaps “trapped” is a strong word… Or, maybe not, actually. But you know what I’m talking about, right? For a creative or an especially social person, or for someone who needs to work with their hands or on their feet to be productive, cubicle life can be damaging. I know at least for me, it zaps my energy in a very odd way. The whole right brain/left brain switch often leaves me feeling off-center and scattered if sustained for too long. And don’t get me wrong… I am SO thankful for my job and its flexibility with my schedule and the comfort of a regular paycheck, but… I have to at least be honest with myself and acknowledge what truly drains me. Is this schizo-lifestyle sustainable? Who knows.

But get this. Cubicle life can zap my energy, sure… but it also makes me act out in odd ways as if to creatively compensate for all that I am repressing for 9 hours a day…

Exhibit A:

Once upon a time, when I was fresh out of college, I worked at a prestigious public accounting firm called Deloitte & Touche. Yes folks, I am also an accountant. It is still, in fact, what I do for my day job now. It’s hard to believe… I know. But just go with me on this one. Anyway. While I worked at Deloitte and had no time for creative outlets in any capacity, I may have gotten a little too cray in the workplace.

One of the clients I had as a first year auditor made this fucking rad commercial:

And this one:

Let’s just say I was obsessed with the absurdity and amazing-ness of their advertising. Once I discovered these commercials on the ‘ol youtube-s, I simply could not let it go to save my life. I could barely focus on the work that I was there to do. What was to come of this? Let’s just say that it is true that a picture is worth a thousand words, because….

This is me, circa 2009, as an employee of Deloitte:

soy sauce betch

Now. How I got a hold of this costume is not important. What is important is that I did this on a dare and put my whole auditing team to shame with my epic awesomeness. And let’s just say that the Managing Partner of Deloitte may have seen this photo… and for a hot minute I thought I was going to get fired over the thing (as I suppose this wasn’t the most professional attire to audit in while at the client’s corporate headquarters), but… instead it went down in Uncle D history. This moment captured on film was the very peak of my auditing career and I am proud.

I also asked the CFO of Yamasa if I could be in their next commercial. “I want to be a Yamasa girl,” I told him. He said he’d think about it.

Four years later, I am still waiting for that phone call… sigh. One day, folks. One day.

Ah, cubicles. You make loco.

I don’t even remember what I am talking about anymore. Mostly because I have been sitting at this very desk for too long already. Perhaps I have nothing else to say about cubicles and their side-effects.

Okay, so… what the hell have I been up to outside of the cubicle this week? Well, there’s been some stuff…

My Week:

This week brought about the last week of “regular” rehearsals for Aloha Say The Pretty Girls with Theatre Vertigo.

aloha

Britt Harris and Beth Thompson
(c) Gary Norman

And now…. dun dun DUNNN… we are in full-on tech/dress mode to be in gear to open this Friday. It is ON, people!! This means we finally got to move into our theatre (after rehearsing in our small ghetto rehearsal room for a couple of weeks and then a week of rehearsal time in the lovely Oregon Children’s Theatre space):

our theatre! finally! GLORY.

our theatre! finally! GLORY.

And then TECHPOCALYPSE finally began. During which time our director went to the ER for 6 hours. Don’t worry, she’s fine. Just passing a kidney stone, no big deal. But we got this. We’re working our shit out. Just another Vertigo tech.

Techomplishment.

Techomplishment.

And as if komodo dragons, mummys, babies, hot ladies, men turning into lizards, portals and Santa Claus weren’t keeping me busy enough (when you see the show, you’ll get it), I made another whirl-wind trip to Seattle on Friday for a film audition at 1pm,

drivenerd

i’m so cool right now, I even caught myself off guard.

…only to zip back to PDX by 5pm for a commercial audition (which I booked!! Yay! Good thing I didn’t end up canceling that one…). But it was so beautiful and sunshine-y the whole drive and I was heavily caffeinated, so it was awesome. I blasted  Ke$ha* (go ahead, judge me, I don’t give a shit) and ran lines with myself the whole time. It was a million times better than being stuck in my cubicle all day, where I run lines/sing Kes$ha in my head. Like a crazy person.

*I’m sorry, but how could you now love her?!

So anyway. Speaking of Ke$ha. Next time you hear from me I will be in Los Angeles with my most amazing Dani. Okay so maybe that has nothing to do with Ke$ha but the thought of knowing where I’ll be in a week makes me just as excited as:

See, that glittery ho gets me. I love you Ke$ha.

I think Ke$ha might be my spirit animal. I’d like to see someone try to put her in a cubicle. Mehtinks it wouldn’t end well.

stay crazy with me betches,

~britt

britt talks SUNVENTURE.

WHAT IS GOING ON.

WHAT is that bright blaring orb-thing up in the sky? WHERE is that sudden tingle-y euphoric feeling coming from? WHY am I all of a sudden sweating in my three layered cardigans, wool leggings, and Doc Martins?! SOMEBODY HELP ME!

Ahhhh yes. That’s right, Portland people. Bust out your Toms and trade in your black-rimmed hipster specs for $12 plastic neon sunglasses at Buffalo Exchange, because shit is about to get REAL. It is that time again…

…It is TIME for the Annual Portland Summer Fake-out!! OMGGG!!

What IS the Annual Portland Summer Fake-out, you ask? It’s that beautiful little vortex in the spring when we Northwesterners get glorious mid-70’s degree heat for three days–and then another 2.5 months of rain–before the reeeaaal Portland summer starts. Everybody FREAK OUT!

Seriously, I did. I freaked out. I lost my shit. The sun came out on Friday and I didn’t know what to do. The office cleared out at like… 1:30pm. It was as though someone in power called in a reverse snow day and it was no longer practical for anyone to be productive in any way. We even got free ice cream, delivered straight to the cubicle. Fudge-cicles, ice cream sandwiches, AND drumsticks.

321593_727101545804_1602120010_n

See?! Fucking DRUMSTICKS!

Something in that ice cream made me lose my fucking mind. I mean, we’re talkin bat-shit-summer INSANE, here. I’m pretty sure I ran circles around my car in the parking lot for 5 minutes just trying to expel the extra Vitamin D crack energy that was suffocating my brain.

And after successfully achieving that special sugar high that could rival any 12-year-old, I left the office early with an insatiable desire to find SUNVENTURE.

And I found it, my friends….

photo2photo3

…I found it.

I spent the weekend sunbathing, park-hopping, binge eating and beer drinking. I wound up at a barbecue in my old college house that I hadn’t set foot in since college. I hung out with me & Dani’s best pals, Liz and Suzzane. I drank some more. I napped it off. I inhaled burgers. I drove around town with all of the windows rolled down and music blaring. I consumed Salt N Straw until I thought I was going to puke. I dominated those two pear with blue cheese cones like I had something to prove. I napped some more. I painted my nails neon colors. I drank more beer. I passed out again. Glory.

And because it is the PDX Annual Summer Fake-Out, I also impulse-bought this ukulele:

SUMMER UKE

SUMMER UKE

I am naming it Feste and I am currently completely obsessed with finding a way to play Lady GaGa’s “Speechless” with the only five chords I know. I cannot rest until I crack the code. I’ll keep you posted on that (lucky you).

And as I am writing this, I’m realizing that perhaps I may have brought sunburn upon myself… DAMNIT.

But this week wasn’t all sunshine and bumblebees, my friends. I actually spent a crap-ton of time inside…

This Week:

First things first. My blue hair is gone!! GAH! Bittersweet! Blue hair was soooo cool…. Yet so high maintenance. Let’s just say I could not be more relieved to not have to explain that whole saga again next time I go into a commercial audition…

In other news! Aloha Say The Pretty Girls with Theatre Vertigo is in full groove! After two days of forced hibernation and three days of Drugged-Out-On-Meds-Rehearsal-Time-For-Britt (where I was constantly sweating and feeling like I was going through menopause three decades early… wheeeee!), we are really starting to see this show come together. We had our first Designer Run on Sunday and we are finally starting to birth a plaaayy…!!

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You can’t tell from these photos, but we are birthing a PLAY, you guys.

BI_Lt6HCEAELAhu

… a play with PEOPLE and THINGS!

I also had the pleasure of being a part of Steven Dempsey‘s 50 Female Faces Project with my dear friend Katy Beckemeyer this week:

photo

Britt
(c) Steven Dempsey

Katy (c) Steven Dempsey

Katy
(c) Steven Dempsey

Steven may be one of the most awesome people on the planet. Not only is he crazy talented and incredibly fun to work with, but he was also in a band called “Naked Grape”once… so, come on… what’s not to love. Katy and I pretty much jump at the chance to work on anything with Steven and Glenn Scott Lacey (my other favorite person ever, who aided us greatly that day by making us look goooood) of Americonic Films.

Check out this last Americonic project Katy and I worked on, the official music video to Tyler Stenson‘s “This Too Shall Pass” (featuring me and my girl at 2:00):

Such beautiful work. I am such a fan. Please take a moment to check out more of Steven and Glenn’s awesome stuff at Americonic Films and Steven Dempsey Photography. I love these bros.

So yeah. Perhaps a little sun got into my brain this weekend and made me a little more crazy than usual (is it possible? I donno). But can you blame me? After being bed-ridden at the week’s start, that weekend SUNVENTURE was a mini vacation to the sweetest part of insanity and back.

And look…! Just like that? The sun is gone. Aaaaand… Portland’s back.

untitled

…Damn it.

Sending you warm gooey thoughts,

~britt

reunion tour

SOON. Dani and I will be REUNITED!!

what WHAT!!!!!!!

That’s right fools. In exactly one month’s time I’ll be getting on an airplane and zooming down to the City of Angels to visit my dear D before she leaves for India!! GLORY!!!!!!!!!

ERMAHGERD!!!!!! Words cannot contain my intense excitement.  Neither can my pants.  Because I just pooped them.  Not only do I get to see Britt before I go on my India adventure, BUT ALSO:

This will be the last time I see Dani before I move to LA myself. How’s that for a reality-check? Holy shit!! It’s GO-TIME!

Life = Change, and the best part about it are the people with whom who you share all the craziness.  And as some very wise (and possibly stoned) people once said, “Friends are the family you choose.”  Alright.  That’s as deep as this post is gonna get.  IT’S SATURDAY!!

Amen, sister. By the time we are reunited, Dani will be done with school for the year and I will full-on have my Vacation Face on, ready for action. I mean… WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?! What will the week hold?! We may do some embarrassing shit. We may even get arrested.

just another day.

B and D circa 2009, being embarrassing and getting arrested. Nothing has changed.

Or maybe we’ll just do yoga and beach time and go to that meditation center D was talking about. Whatever.

But mostly we’ll just be awesome.

Any peeps want to meet up with us during our SuperFunTime? Hit us up! May 12th-16th, y’all!!

Our interests include talking about art, long walks on the beach, drinking in sketchy bars, and terrible karaoke.  Professional and non-creepy requests will be considered.  No, we will not accompany you to your isolated cabin outside of cell range.  Yes, hanging out with us is EXACTLY like reading our blog only with the added risk of pissing yourself and waking up on a park bench.  

If you CAN’T meet up with us, or if you don’t have the balls (or ovaries), you can still look forward to reading some dual-blogging mayhem when are both IN THE SAME CITY!  Who KNOWS what wonders that might hold?  We sure as hell don’t! But there’s gonna be a whole heapload more where that comes from once I am the proud co-resident of Los Angeles with the one and only Britt Harris!!

…Actually that’s not true.  There is one other Britt Harris.

Thomas Britton "Britt" Harris IV is the current chief investment officer of the Teacher Retirement System of Texas, the public pension for the state of Texas.

Britt Harris is the chief investment officer of the Teacher Retirement System of Texas, the public pension for the state of Texas.

But we don’t need to talk about him.  

Yeah, WHY does this guy show up before me when you type “Britt Harris” into google image search?! DAMN YOU, Mr. Britt Harris!! You are my true nemesis!!

We also don’t need to talk about how many other “Danielle Larson”s there are in the world.

Okay, true.

What were we talking about again?

I have no idea.

Oh yeah!  My new boyfriend/love of my life!  He’s a real gentleman. 

And remember kids… gentleman do not give you crabs. Not even if those crabs are, in fact, gentleman.

crab gentlman

mwaaahaaaa…

See you in the loony bin (aka LA LA Land),

~britt & dani

hotswetymonkysex

You know you’re making a difference in this world when people stumble upon your existence by googling “hotswetymonkysex” and finding your blog.

That’s right, y’all.  Here at Two Evil Actors, we have all the hotswetymonkysex you’ll ever need, located in one convenient site.  You see, WordPress (that’s our blog host thingy-ma-website-bob) has this cool feature that tracks how people navigate to your page.  

So naturally, one of me and Dani’s favorite weekly pastimes is checking our “stats” page and discovering what search words have led internet users to our humble, evil blog.

This last week’s keyword-search winner? “hotswetymonkysex”. NO joke.

So here’s hoping that the 14-year-old boy in Michigan and his three pubescent friends who found us after googling hotswetymonkysex get punchy one of these nights and decide to google “hotswetymonkysex” again and once again find themselves in the clutches of Two Evil Actors.  We are really trying to increase our readership among the whole 10-14 year old boy demographic; that is our end-game.  After all, deep down, Britt and I are 12-year-old boys.  

Farting in class is funny!!

I happen to know that Britt has a stuffed shark on her bed:

sharktime

 …and I happen to know that Dani’s soul IS that of a 12-year-old boy:

D evidence

…and this is the art that Britt and I compulsively bought together at a bar one night (artwork by Portland artist Beth Myrick! It’s graffiti AND zoo animals. So rad.):

IMG_0041 IMG_0042

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Anyway, if you are a 10-14 year-old boy, we relate, and we’ve got you covered.  And there’s even more damning evidence at the bottom of this post. 

…But sorry if we weren’t exactly what you expected.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-26791-1354299164-7

..surprise.

But there is more voyeuristic fun where that hotswetymonkysex came from! Here are some more of our personal faves:

“i am happy because you are in this world”

“does bikram make you fart”

“gypsy transvestite”

“move into basement to save money”

“sweaty body actors” 

“image of god the father”

“evil pisces person”

“evil part of a virgo”

“american actors all look the same”

“bitches be like size doesn’t matter”

“tickle torture”

“sexxxxual” (yes, four x’s)

“i am excited and terrified in equal parts at all times” (stop reading my diary already) (and my mind)

“kittens saying poop” (totally my favorite one.)

…It’s like someone climbed into my brain and figured it all out. These crazies totally cracked the code, y’all.

Anyway. Happy Friday, friends. Have fun and be safe with those search-words. ‘Cause remember… we are watching you…

Here’s to a million more sex-hits on our blog,

~dani & britt

***Further Evidence***

Britt can’t wait to grow a mustache

…neither can Dani.  (Photo with fellow blogger Roya and her bf!)

britt playing a pubescent boy (Viola/Cesario in Twelfth Night)

Britt playing a pubescent boy (Viola/Cesario in Twelfth Night)

sam and dan

Dani playing with her armpit vent (featuring sammi)

POOP IS FUNNY!

HOTSWETYMONKYSEX!

britt talks adulting

As I sit in my in my basement closet-room writing this blog, I turn up my music in an attempt to drown out the commotion upstairs that is my four 21-year old male roommates experimenting with homemade beer-brewing. Ahhh, the wonders of young adulthood.

Wait… ADULTHOOD..?!!

…Am I in that? Is that phase of life I am in? Well the votes are in, and the answer is YES, I am, apparently. 

IS THIS REAL LIFE?!?!!

Someone wake me up from this nightmare!

Nah, being an “adult” is rad. You can eat ice cream whenever the eff you want and stuff like that.

I often feel that I am a really large child posing as an adult–a “faux-dult”, if you will– so I need to be mindful of keeping my adult-liness in check. For example, I need to take more of an interest in cooking (I can make a mean grilled cheese and can class my ramen up with prosciutto and lemon), have a better understanding of how I car works (I know that it moves when I put my foot on the pedal), and be more proactive in obtaining HEALTH INSURANCE.

Ahhh, health insurance, you tricky, tricky bastard.

The Unattainable Artist Dream that is “Health Insurance” has been on my mind a lot lately in light of recent (and painful) events that loved ones have found themselves in. Ladies and gentlemen, this is where it becomes very tricky to be an artist or creative free-lancer of any kind. WHY must it be this way?? (Okay okay, another discussion for another time, back to the more relevant-ramblings at hand.)

So how do I crack this adulting-code? When will I know when I’m “doing it” right? When I’m not living in my younger brother’s basement? When I have health insurance? When I move to a big city and support myself there? When I own a house? Have kids? Everyone’s formula is different, I know, but SHIT. Someone give me a clue, here.

Cue Britt-of-the-Past! She has some clues for us all! I found this list in a notebook of mine from last summer:

Britt’s Adulting Wisdom:

~AAA is invaluable. For a little over $100/year, this auto service will save your ass, every time. No need to weep on the side of the road while your car is up in smoke anymore. Yay!

~Take advantage of “free” office supplies at your desk job. Print those resumes and scripts and audition sides, girl! You like those highlighters? They’re YOURS! Only– be ninja about it. Do not cause suspicion amongst your co-workers, it’s only a matter of time before they realize that all of the 1-inch black binders gone.

~Know how to use the public transportation system and take advantage of it.

~It is okay to be a food scavenger, but be classy about it. This is a very fine line, so don’t be a sketchy bitch. Trust that food will find you. No mooching.

~Keep your living space, no matter how small, clean and organized. If not, you will die.

~Once you smart-phone, you can’t go back (I’m sure Dani can speak to this). Your iPhone is your new life-preserver. This sounds pathetic, but just go with it. It will save your ass when you’re lost, help you out when you don’t know how much to tip, and will happily guide your Facebook stalking while you’re wasting hours of precious life at the DMV.

~DO NOT LET YOUR REGISTRATION TABS EXPIRE.

~Fucking floss.

~Wear sunscreen. You’re white.

…The list ended there, but I clearly need to keep adding to it. For example, I just implemented this groundbreaking new system in my life to keep me from using my credit card:

photo

Feel free to use that little trick. Everyone knows that rules written on Post-It Notes are rules of the highest authority. And for double the adulting fun, steal those Post-It’s from your desk job!! Mwaaahaaaaa.

So! Let me catch you guys up on what I was up to this week! 😀

My Week

Monday and Tuesday kicked off Week Three of principal photography for Steven Richter‘s feature film, Birds of Neptune. There are only two shooting days left for me on this project, which will resume at the end of the month. And after a two and a half week marathon of 12-16 hour shooting days, I was happy to have a day off on Wednesday before returning to my desk job on Thursday.

After a month away from my day job, I came back to this:

over-flowing inboxes of DOOM!!!

But… there was also this, so it was okay.

CHOCOLATE EGGS! This is the remaining 4 of the 8 that were waiting at my desk for me.

My big homecoming back to work was pretty anti-climactic, and thank goodness for that! Part of me was worried that I would not have a job to come back to after so much time away. When someone else is trained to do your job in your absence, you can’t help but be awakened to the fact that you are.. replaceable. Buuuut… it’s all good! I have the BEST, most awesome, flexible day job in all of Portland! THANK YOU DAY JOB FOR EXISTING! 😀

My week was also filled with auditions. The highlight of these being:

1.) I am currently “on avail” for a guest-star role on a new TNT TV show pilot starring Geena Davis. In the auditioning process for television, being put “on avail” is as far as you can go in the game before you book the job. So, I’m pleased to know that I am at least doing my job well! I will find out in the next couple days if I book or get released from the job, so keep your fingers crossed! (This girl could sure use some money for the move to LA!!)

2.) I had a callback this week for a promo directed by Timothy Hutton. So yeah, no big deal…I got to do some scene work in the audition room with Christian Kane and received direction from Mr. T. Hutton himself. This experience was definitely a surprise and they were both super rad! I had a ton of fun.

This week has treated me pretty well. 🙂

And you know what? Auditioning is fucking fun. I need to remember that. The prep-work and logistics of auditions can be so damn stressful (especially this Tuesday when I had to rush from set in West Lin to SE Portland for the TV pilot callback and got stuck in horrible traffic…!), but auditioning is my job. And I love my job.

I’m tired as usual, but am still loving the Crazy. But I suppose this is characteristic of the life of a pseudo-adult.

…Whatever, I do what I want.

Cheers, y’all.

~britt

britt talks another year older, another year RADDER

You guys. I’ve changed.

I‘m older.

…I turned 26 this past Wednesday.

26!! What does this MEAN?!

Will I not get called in for teenage roles anymore? Can I no longer say I’m in my early-20’s?! Oh my GAWWWWW!!

…But for real. This 26-year-old monster could not be more pumped to tear shit up this year. 2013 has already been an amazing year of personal growth and adventure–and now I get to start my own Personal New-Year! Birthdays are the best.

(PLUS my girl Dani gave me the best bday present ever. You know your life is fail-proof after experiencing love like that. GAHH, Dani! Come back to PDX and get into my arms immediately!!)

I spent my bday this year doing what I love to do the most. 12 hours of it! On-set birthdays are the best, you guys. At lunch break that day, my Birds of Neptune family surprised me with a big ‘ol chocolate cake (they must have picked up on the whole chocoholic thing, as I stuff my pockets full of candy each time I visit the crafty table) and birthday merriment.

on set bday FTW!

In case you were wondering, I did eat most of that cake myself. It was delicious. Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting with chocolate gooey goodness inside and chocolate sprinkles…Mmmm. And you know what, I needed all the sugar and caffeine I could get to push me through this week of intensity…

Let me recap!

My Week

We wrapped Week 2 of principal photography for Steven Richter’s feature film, Birds of Neptune this Friday. To quickly sum up this week and its effects: Five days straight of 12-16 hours of work on set + dark material = weekend hibernation land. And some crying. …But it feels good. Only six full days left…I kind of wish I could live in this routine forever.

I also had auditioning-with-blue-hair fun this week:

this is what this betch looks like these days.

this is what this betch looks like these days.

…It’s not easy being blue.

IT’S TRUE!! *sob*

Anyway. What was I talking about?

Oh yeah. Auditions!

I had an audition for the new TNT pilot starring Geena Davis and another audition for NBC’s Grimm this week. With blue hair! It’s been interesting.

With the intense shooting schedule for BON this week, I must admit it was a bit stressful to rush off set during my lunch break and change into audition-appropriate clothes, pull my hair back to mask as much of the blue as possible, shake the world and character I had been living in, and all the while expect myself to be a charming, functional human being in the audition room. BUT. All of that mess was awesome too. I felt like a total badass to stay so busy and on track with my goals. I owe the crew & production team of BON my life for being so flexible with me and my shenanigans. I love those guys.

This week also brought the excitement of starting a project with these two:

ladies and gents: AJ Brooks and Mia Allen

The incredible team that is model/actress Mia Allen and writer/filmmaker AJ Brooks is in pre-production for a new episodic project. Stay tuned. The soon-to-be-on-screen-duo of Britt & Mia will be super rad.

And the mailman brought me my new super-legit business cards this week! Ka-blam!

dear world: hire me.

So yeah… I must say… 26 is treating me pretty damn good so far. I am lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing, supportive, talented and passionate people every day…

…And that’s all the mush you’ll get out of me. Back to the normal Britt-programming:

cats & poop

Cats and poop, CATS AND POOP!!

Damn, it feels good to be 26.

XO,

~britt

britt talks scrappy living

My call time got pushed back after I had arrived on set for Birds of Neptune the other day, so I decided to enjoy some quality me-time at a neighborhood coffeeshop on Hawthorne. I was so happy to have time to breathe. I felt sleep-deprived and displaced as I had been couch-surfing and working 12+ hour days the past week (you know I love it). I went up to the bar to order a latte’ and ran my fingers through my new blue hair. I was feeling especially gritty that morning since I had not been through hair & make-up on set yet and was wearing the same outfit for the third day in a row. I tried my best to shake out my bed-head to look somewhat presentable in public. I removed what I thought was a small rock from my nest of hair and jumped back when I realized the small rock was actually a not-so-small-beetle.
Yup, I had a beetle in my hair.  No big deal. Nothing to see here, people, just a transient chick with an ant farm for a hair-do. Please proceed with your NOT-watching-Britt-be-weird/gross/awkward-activites, thanks.
I played it cool though, hoping no one would notice as I nonchalantly removed the insect from my hair and placed it on the ground. I saw a lady staring at me from across the room with a concerned look on her face. Goddamnit. She approached me and said, “Excuse me, but do you know that you have a post-it note stuck on your back?”
Ah. Right you are, you observant Cafe Angel, saving me from myself.
Now watch Britt as she once-again nonchalantly addresses her disheveled-ness in public by responding: 
“Oh, yeaahhh. Thanks! Yeah. I stayed at my friend Molly’s house last night and she left me this really sweet note in the morning and it must have fallen from the door and onto the pile of clothes on the floor …. I have been wearing the same outfit for the past three days, so that’s why… nevermind, long story… thanks though! I was looking for that note.”
Good save, Britt. You successfully made yourself appear like a high-functioning citizen of society.
Ahhh my dear Mol. 😀 Molly is my amazing friend who plays my sister in the film I am working on. I think she is my long-lost sister in real life. Either my mom got rid of her (rude) or her mom got rid of me (understandable).
This is my Molly:
And if you cannot tell us apart, I am the weird one eating her hair. NOMZ.

And if you cannot tell us apart, I am the weird one eating her hair. NOMZ.

And this is her sweet note:
I have the best Screen Sister ever.

I have the best Screen Sister ever.

..Which ended up on my back.
I spent nearly every night this week staying at Mol’s place. It was the best.
And on that note, I gotta call it out: I may seem these days like a bit of a wanderer, or even a scavenger, perhaps. But I prefer to label my current self and lifestyle as… “resourceful”. That’s right people. Let’s talk about Britt’s Anthem of Scrappy Living 2013.
In the whirlwind of exciting events that have occurred over the past few months, here is a glimpse into my crazy brain and poor-person problem solving:
~”I smashed my iPhone screen to the point where I can barely type or interpret texts? Whatever, this new “spiderweb filter “is totally rad! Why would you want to spend $150 to fix THAT?!”
~”I’m out of TP? No worries! I’ll use these coffee filters instead! I have a shit*-ton of those!” (*pun intended)
~”I’ve lived in my brother’s basement for a month and he still hasn’t reattached the door to my room because he is using it as a beer-pong table?! It’s cool, I’ll use this gold curtain as a door instead!!”
~” Oh darn, I’m outta shampoo?! Ah well, I’ll choose from this assortment of Old Spice* shampoo and smell like middle school boy all day! (*Remember, I am living with four college boys now)
~” AGHH my college boy housemates are partying until 4am on a Tuesday* and I have an audition early tomorrow morning?!  And for some reason they are throwing chairs across the room upstairs and making blueberry pancakes..?! Not even a problem,  I will just crank my music up to the max on my iPod and cry into my shark pillow!!” (*Remember, I have a “sound proof curtain” for a door)
~”Ah man! I am so exhausted in between jobs and rehearsals and need a nap before the next thing on the agenda but don’t want to waste gas to drive back home to North Portland… I know! I’ll take a nap on the couch in the rehearsal room at my theatre company because the building is so centrally located!! That’s why I have keys to everything, right?!”
~”I need new clothes but have no cash. Not a problem! I get half of my wardrobe from the free-pile at Suzzane’s (my old) apartment complex!! Thank goodness skinny PDX hipsters go through their neon V-necks and skinny jeans so fast! I am a genius!!”
Problem solving on the cheap, people.. it’s my thing. Scrappy living, baby… scrappy living.
And speaking of scrappy living, do you know what the exact opposite of scrappy living is?! Starring in a MOVIE! Let’s catch up about what has gone down in my life this week! 😀
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My Week
At 4:30am this past Saturday, we wrapped Week One of principal photography for Birds of Neptune.
Rachel & Mona(c) Reverie Films, 2013

Sisters Rachel & Mona
(c) Reverie Films, 2013

It was an exhausting and rewarding four days (I had Tuesday off…mwaaHA!). The last working day of the week is what the crew was calling a “Fraterday”– where the Friday work day (which started at 2pm that day) ends in the wee hours of the Saturday morning (4:30am). Let’s just say I hibernated this weekend to keep the ‘ol immune system happy. (Oh and thanks a lot for the time change this weekend, Benjamin Franklin… ya fucking asshole. I know we all could have used that extra hour.)
Working on BON is incredible and I feel so lucky to be a part of this project and to be working with so many talented people. I am still processing a lot of what this first week had to offer and prepping for what the next two and a half weeks will need. I could talk about this experience for hours and also be at a loss for words at how to describe it at the same time. I cannot wait to get started on Week Two.
This past week also brought my first commercial audition with blue hair. I called my agent to tell her it probably wouldn’t be “very commercial” for me to go in with blue hair, and perhaps I should sit this one out. “Just GO IN and PULL YOUR HAIR BACK!!” says agent. Noted. You genius, genius agent, you.
…I think it went well.
Onward!
Oh! And hey Dani this scrappy chick can’t wait to move into your basement in sunny LA LA Land.
Watch out.
Thank you for reading, my friends!
~britt

britt talks moving into her bro’s basement, part 2

It happened, folks. I did it. I moved into a closet-sized dungeon room in my 21 year-old brother’s basement to save money to move to Los Angeles. This photo is for Mom:

ROOMIES. Me, bro, and Severus Snape (he goes where I go).

ROOMIES. Me, bro, & Severus Snape (he goes where I go).

…Nothing but trouble, that’s for sure.

I left this glorious studio apartment with city skyline view in SE Portland (let’s pretend I made my bed in that photo):

MyApt   bye bye apt

For this 100 sq. foot room in a college house (go Pilots):

closetroom2 closetroom3

closetroom1

(thank you to the lovely Suz for looking hot in above photos)

And because I am a badass, I pimped out the closet-room to look like this:

sultanpimpden2 sultanpimpden1

That’s right, this girl will be on Cribs next season. Check out that sick gold Sultan-curtain I have for a door. Who needs a door when you can fly straight into your room on your magic carpet? A door is clearly unnecessary, so fuck that. I would like to think that all of this basement-dwelling is prepping me for the Ultimate Basement Adventure when I move into Dani’s place in Silver Lake. I shall be reining Queen of the Basements!!

seriously, don't mess.

seriously, don’t mess.

With every dollar I save on rent and every college party I live through while creepily squatting in the basement as a post-collegiate troll, I am one step closer to being prepared to make The Big Move. Eye on the prize, 25-year-old girl living with four 21-year-old boys, eye on the prize.

I am impressed that I could execute a move in the midst of such a busy time. I couldn’t have done so without my amazing friend Suzzane helping me move car-fulls of my crap across town. And yet, in the midst of this moving extravaganza and 32 hours at the day job, I was still able to sink my teeth into the juicy FUN stuff of BrittLife that keeps me keepin’ on.

My Week

Rehearsals for Stephen Richter ‘s new film Birds of Neptune have become even more exciting as we are mere weeks away from production. I cannot wait to for this story to be told.

(c) Reverie Films, 2013,concept image

(c) Reverie Films, 2013,
concept image

I also had the pleasure of working with the genius goofballs from We’ll Fix It In Post on a short called “Do You Love Me”. To tell you anything about it would be a complete spoiler. So… you will just have to check in with me next week to watch. That’s right, those crazies work fast!

734181_10151463310896399_1712763042_n

(c) Chris Wilson

——————————-

…Beware, as I am also a crazy that works fast. In just under two-weeks time I have successfully made a move happen and created a solid financial plan with 9-month budget to get debt-free and saved up to move to a new city. But I know the hardest part is yet to come. Sticking to that financial plan will be a bitch. Eye on the prize, Harris, eye on the prize.

Back at my brother’s–er, my house–, I walked up to the back door to use my new key for the first time. As I walked past, I couldn’t help but realize that I had never seen the backyard during the day-light hours. Behold…. the Backyard of Broken Dreams. I spied a large table broken in half and defeated on the lawn, several PBR cans, a (surprisingly upright) barbecue, and several dilapidated plastic chairs strung about on the grass. It’s likely that a stampede of wildebeests crashed through my poor brother’s yard. And that’s not really something you can plan for in the Northwest.

I walked inside and informed my brother’s roommate of the backyard situation, as any good and caring sister-roommate does: “You guys have a lot of broken furniture and crap in your yard.” To which my new roommate responded, “Yes, there is a lot of broken furniture and crap in…our yard. It’s your home now too.”

3…2…1…Awwwwww!

“ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONEOFUS!!”

And the Post-Collegiate-Troll-Squatting-in-the-Basement’s heart grew three times its size:  “It’s my broken furniture too!! And my backyard!! And my home!!”

I do have life outside of the golden curtain of my sultan den… and it will be glorious. As reining Queen of the Basements, I say it shall be so.

Basement cat