someday we will be reliable and consistent. like your poops.

Trying to get Britt and I to do something with any level of consistency is like trying to tutor a puppy in math. 

Actually I do that. Only with children, not puppies. 

No difference.

P.S. I literally just google imaged searched “puppy math” and this was the first thing that popped up: sadpuppy2 AHHHHhahahaha!! That puppy doesn’t know how to use that calculator!! SOMEBODY TEACH IT!!

AHHHH hahaaa, I KNOW!!!

…Okay okay, okay, but truly — trying to get Dani and I to do something with any level of consistency is like trying to teach a horse how to ride a bicycle. 

Why would a horse need a bicycle?  Horses are faster than bicycles to begin with. 

I don’t know about that. 

Dude have you ever googled “horse bicycle”?? It’s awesome!!

Horscycle. As old as time itself.

Horscycle. As old as time itself.

Horscycle. Available today!

Horscycle. Available today!

horse

Horses CAN ride bicycles. We need a new metaphor for this post.

That unicorn made that bike its bitch.

That unicorn made that bike its bitch.

Weren’t we supposed to be talking about something? (…And way to out-do me with Ye Olde Google Image Search, Dani, you asshole.) 

Hehehe I AM THE GOOGLE MASTER!!  ….Ahem. CONSISTENCY!!  Like the kind you experience when you take Metamucil every day or the consistency of what happens every time you stick a paperclip into a power outlet. 

Ah, yes. That. Trying to get Dani and I to do anything with consistency is like….

KnifeSocket

Make this stop.

…Does this visual metaphor even make sense anymore? Also, I saved this image on my desktop as “KnifeSocket”.

BRITT!!

What?! DANI!!!

We have an important message to share. This is the whole reason why we are trying (and failing) to write this post in the first place… so that we may write other posts!! And eventually take over the world!!

Sigh. Yes. Discipline. Consistency. Being a (*stifled laugh*) Grown-Up. Blah blah.

We, Dani Larson (and *stifled laugh* Britt Harris) vow to be better Evil Twins and to bring you more consistent Evil Blog Posts starting now, this Month of March, in this Year of Our Lord, 2015. 

And if we fail, we will still crawling come back to you. Remember how we posted three times a week for a year then straight-up didn’t post for fifty-two weeks after that??

Yeah. We remember that too. 

We will do better.

(c) The Incredible Allie Brosh

(c) The Incredible Allie Brosh

Because we love you.

(c) The Incredible Allie Brosh

(c) The Incredible Allie Brosh

And we love us.

(c) The Incredible Allie Brosh

(c) The Incredible Allie Brosh

See you next time we do stuff. 

WHICH WILL BE SOON. 

Mark. Our. Words. 

Love,

Dani & Britt

me time

If you’ve read this blog before, you have probably read a few posts about a problem that Britt and I often encounter as actors/functional adults; a problem that may be the biggest challenge of choosing to make the arts your career path:

CRAZYBALLS / NOT-ENOUGH-TIME

Preach, sister.

Britt and I are both doggedly pursuing art as a career, which means we end up living double-lives in the meantime.  There are the “adult-y” things we have to do to make ends meet and there are the creative projects that we fill our lives with in order to stay artistically alive.  This equals a ton of man-hours of work, which is why I kind of giggle when I hear this attribute stereotypically assigned to artists:

LAZINESS

And THAT is bullshit!! Some of the most independent, hard-working, entrepreneurial folks I know are artists (including my Dani and Yours Truly). I often think of artists as ninjas… and you KNOW those ninjas trained their asses off to learn how to be badass and invisible. While also paying their ninja bills somehow.

south park ninja

Damn straight, Britt!  THIS is the truth people:

good-things

So true. And doing all of the crap we do, while trying to stay sane and be functional and decent human beings at the same time, is quite trying at times.

So my lesson of this week has been that IT IS OKAY TO TAKE SOME “ME TIME.”  Okay, yeah, it is somewhat trite, but seriously, I have to remind myself of this or my busy-ness will start to chip away at my sanity. 

IT IS SO IMPORTANT!

Honestly, some days I just feel like:

When really, I want to be more like:

See? Cat Ninja. This cat ninja is kicking ass and working shit out. Probably because she allows for plenty of cat-Me-Time when not out kicking major dog and gopher ass.

Damn straight! According to my half-assed research on the internet (AKA googling it), cats spend 13-16 hours of their day sleeping.  Straight up SLEEPING. That doesn’t count the time they spend eating cat food and stretching and licking their balls.  I’m not about to publicly divulge how much time I spent this week eating cat food and licking my balls (too far? maybe), but let me give you an example of how I carved out some time for myself on Monday..

Dani’s super-special-me-time Monday:

  1. Get up in time to go to class (skip workout and get a full night of sleep)
  2. Go to movement class,
  3. Use the three hour break to LEAVE CAMPUS (gasp!), go to BIKRAM YOGA, and spend too much money on this absurdly delicious sandwich at Atwater Village Farm
Raw Falafel Burger by Nelson's Living Gourmet. Literally the tastiest thing I have EVER put in my mouth. (That's what she said.)

Raw Falafel Burger by Nelson’s Living Gourmet. Literally the tastiest thing I have EVER put in my mouth. (That’s what she said.)

4.   Come back to campus for 3:00 p.m. scene study class, feeling rejuvenated
5.   Stick around campus for rehearsal until the sun is long gone from the sky

Way to go, D. I’m proud of you. You are self-care MACHINE. And that falafel burger looks AMAZING.

Dude.  It seriously was. No joke.  Although, damn girl, I feel like part of the whole “me time” thing is not over-committing myself, and saying no when I need to.  When you take care of yourself, you are better able to do the work that you DO commit to.  I just read a great article by David Cain on Thought Catalog about being conscious of the things that you commit yourself to doing, and how they take up space in your head and heart.  

I also found this little gem especially useful, courtesy of Justine Musk:

25-Ways-To-Say-No-Web-SQ-300x300

You should really do yourself a favor and check out the entire post by Justine Musk. Some of my favorite Badass Reasons to Say No (which I am sure I will use in the near future) include: “I’d rather stick needles in my eyes” (#3) “or your eyes” (#4), “My schedule… is up in the air right now. See it wafting down the corridor” (#5), and “I would love to say yes to everything, but that would be fucking stupid” (#15).

I would also like to give a special shout-out to reason #23, as it explicitly states hotswetymonkysex as a Badass Reason to Say No to things. And you know how Dani and I LOUURVE talking about hotswetymonkysex.

Hell yeah!  We are trying to get as many horny teenagers to read our blog as possible.  Too far again?  Maybe. Yes. Definitely, yes. 

…It’s never too far.

Anyway, remember to take care of your hot selves this week by doing some hot and sweaty bikram yoga, eating tasty food, and saying NO to people when you need to. 

Yeah, back the fuck OFF, world!! Britt and Dani told me to take some Me Time!! (You’re welcome)

live-long-and-prosper-tee-shirt-cbs114bLove and kisses,

dani and britt xoxo