dani communes with the devil. among other things.

It was a dark and (not) stormy night in a gated SoCal community in Rancho Palos Verdes.  Rolling hills, beautiful mansions, endless seascapes, and an eery quiet which hung on the neighborhood like a shroud.   A young maid (like … Continue reading

Britt is back Stateside, but keeps her suitcase packed. And drunk-blogs about it.

Full disclosure. I am drunk-blogging at my local watering-hole, as I am pushed to the brink with Eternal Summer, always on the quest of finding air-conditioned establishments to seek refuge in (this is SURVIVAL, here, people, REAL SURVIVAL). At this current … Continue reading

VagaBritt strikes again!

After living out of a suitcase since the beginning of 2015, Vagabond Britt (or “VagaBritt”, as I am now known) is on the move yet again.

On Wednesday morning, I depart with my girl Molly Elizabeth Parker (who flew out to The City of Angels from The Big Apple TODAY!) to Mammoth Lakes, CA for the inaugral Mammoth Lakes Film Festival,

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these bitches be on the road again!

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…coming soon to another resort town film fest near YOU!

and, about 24 hours after my return to LA, will hop on a plane to spend the NEXT 5 WEEKS IN SYDNEY AUSTRAILIA to do some pretty cool shit.

….and spirit quest. And eat Australian bacon. And work a lot. And probably be drunk constantly. And play Aussie Bingo (pet a koala, ride a kangaroo, steal a dingo, get high off of eucalyptus, etc.) (okay I just made that game up) (okay shut up) (okay I will try not to get arrested).* tumblr_lwz0nmlky91r8cvzdo1_250 I cannot tell you how intensely I went back and forth on the decision to go DOWN UNDAH (well, at least for the first couple hours). But then, I quickly realized, there are basically NO cons to going on this adventure. 

So… I stopped thinking so hard about it.

tumblr_lz91wcoviO1qeivwho1_500 So many things are happening, and oh, so fast… and I am ready for THEM ALL. Hopefully this will be the first of many epic wanderings and adventures.

First stop: KTjmJ Next stop: meanwhile-in-australia-00025 After that: fuck_that_space_shark So… eeeeee!!

I’ll see you guys out there.

And, lastly, let me just leave you with this:

You’re welcome and g’day.

Britt

*P.S. You have no idea how many “Kangroo Jacking Off” ** GIFS I had to go through to find a more “family friendly” Kangroo GIF.

Because 2EA is FAMILY FRIENDLY.

**Also don’t google that.

You’ll get put on a list. Just as there is a list of Kangaroo Sex Offenders. kangaroo_drunk_beer Don’t google that either.

Bye.

what it means to be LA. (britt edition.)

People are all,

“Heeeey Britt, it’s so cool that you’re a Big Time LA actor these days. Your life must be soooo exciting and glamorous. Show us a little bit of that Red Carpet Slice O’ Life!” **

To which I say:

(I’ve seen the edge of my Soul and it is Dark.)

XO,

Britt

**actually, I’m pretty sure no one has ever said this, ever.

**But, I am wrong, and you have in fact said this, or want to say this, please approach me. You are good for my ego and I love you.

28 things you need to know about britt in her 28th year

…Well, I suppose that TECHNICALLY this is my 29th trip around the sun, but Earth Culture assures me that I am 28 years of age. My Saturn is returning. And all that stuff. Planetary. giphy Thank you, Neil.

And now, today, on this, the 4th Day of the Month of May (it rhymes!), about 7 weeks after my actual, special Friday-the-13th birthday (whoops), and about 970 weeks since my last post (sorry), here are a few things to catch you up on in the incredibly not-boring goings-on of my life:

1.) I’ve got Homes in Different Zip Codes.

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My dear friendThe Suz gave me this beautiful plant, which I affectionately named Nan, to anchor me wherever I stay.

Read as: “Vagabond”.

I currently reside in Park La Brea, Altadena and Echo Park (I promise you I am not joking), with pit-stops in places like Culver City, Silverlake, and Hancock Park in between. What can I say? My sterling house-sitting reputation precedes me. As a wandering artist subletting her room, I am not complaining.

2.) Continuing on with the vagabond theme: I’ve been on more airplanes this year than ever. (And I hate flying.)

This is how I fly now. Remind me to tell you about my whirlwind Seattle trip later.

Who AM I even?! This is how I fly now. I am a monster.

… I think I’m getting better at the whole flying thing, though. I’ve got a supplement-popping, face-covering, booze-in-flight drinking system that works for me, so don’t worry about it.

‘Cuase let’s be real. I’m not flirting with that bitch mono again.

3.) Birds of Neptune is majorly making its presence known in the festival circuit this year after its smashing world premiere at Slamdance Film Fest in January.

I just got back from Arizona International Film Festival in Tucson, where Birds of Neptune won the award for Best Dramatic Feature!! Holy CRAP! BON AIFF And if that wasn’t an honor enough, the film was also selected to screen again on the final night of the festival for the “Best of Fest” celebration. 11118363_10101271935952336_419600120065064236_o …An encore screening? Yes, please!! Thank you, Tucson! 😀 

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with BON director Steven Richter.

Up next on the festival trail? Mammoth Lakes Film Fest at the end of the May. Hopefully you’ll be seeing me all over the globe promoting this film. This is just the beginning! 😀

4.) In addition to the humbling love we received for the film in Tucson, I received a Special Jury Award for Best Performance for my work in the film.

Holy FUCK!!

Holy FUCK!!

This is how that made me feel. (Nothing feels better than skipping down the red carpet. Nothing.)

This is how that made me feel. (Nothing feels better than skipping down the red carpet. Nothing.)

WOOOOAAAA! I am on cloud 9 from this, truly. Tucson was such a special, surreal, magical place, and this recognition is such an incredible honor.

5.) I still self-employed and loving it.

One of my many offices around the city. I promise I am working here. #WORKINGIT

One of my many offices around the city. I promise I am working here. #WORKINGIT

A detailed look at my cubicle.

A detailed look at my cubicle. Somebody pinch me.

6.) Dani and I went aboard The Queen Mary to witness the marriage of our dear college friend Hillary:

What a DREAM she is!

What a DREAM she is!

…Which made me think that perhaps I should live on a boat at some point in my life. Because, COME ON.

We make this look good.

We make this look good.

7.) DANI IS GRADUATING FROM HER MFA SOON. This means we are writing sketches and screenplays and music. And romping around outside. And actually using our Twitter account.

So, basically — Two Evil Actors, the Content Creators, are stampeding your way SOON, betch!! Mark my words! FEAR US!

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What’s not to love?

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But really though. You want this.

8.) I am writing a lot of music these days. I hope to record my stuff later this year, so I will keep you posted on that. All of this material is all super personal to me so it is SCAAAAARY. Which obviously means that I have to do it. guitar9.) Speaking of recording music, I had the opportunity to record music with my very talented brother for the first time in March.10947417_604953582940001_8820304260459440803_oI was lucky enough to be in Seattle for an audition when my brother Nate and my cousin Cameron were recording the first EP for Nate’s music duo, NW Passage. (Think of Nate Harris as the Ryan Lewis to NW Passage’s Macklemore. He is a genius.) They asked me to record vocals on some of the tracks. It was SO fun.

In studio with my cuz Cameron, sound engineer extraordinaire, and musical genius, my bro, Nate.

In studio with my cuz Cameron, sound engineer extraordinaire, and musical genius, my bro, Nate.

Look! Cute photos of me and bro in the studio!

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Nate being annoyed of my Genius.

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Me being annoyed of Nate’s Genius.

10.) STILL speaking of recording music– I have finished recording basic vocals for the first No Vanquished album!  Screen Shot 2015-05-01 at 9.30.07 PM It won’t be long now ’til we release and UNLEASH this music into the world!

11.) I am in love with Los Angeles, IMG_2832 but Portland has my heart.

A post shared by britt harris (@thebrittharris) on

Hello @pdxcarpet , my old friend… #pdx #portland #pnwweekend

A post shared by britt harris (@thebrittharris) on

And I am in a constant state of reconciling this emotional and geographical dissonance.

12.) I took a few covert Portland visits this year to feed my heart. 

'Tis the season for titty boxing. #tittyboxing #xmas #everybodywins

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My sweet little mini me, Agatha.

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I love her!!

Short and sweet and sad, it hurts me a bit to come back to Portland now. It confuses me and makes me wonder where I am supposed to be. I don’t think it will always be that way, but…. what is it they say in that one song?

Yeah, something like that.

Anyway. My heart is in Portland. Y’all knew that.

13.) Surprise, Mom! I got a new tattoo. IMG_2493 I was born ass-first on Friday the 13th (it ALL makes sense now, right?!) and my birthday happened to fall on Friday the 13th this year. So, naturally, I needed to get a Friday the 13th tattoo. 

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I also got this tatted across my back. Kidding. Not kidding. Wait what?

I must note that Dani and our good friend and housemate Raisa got Friday the 13th tatts that day as well. Because we are part of a gang.

14.) I am officially the USC MFA program’s biggest stage-mom. I could not be more proud of my Dani, who recently completed her THREE SHOW REP (AND NY & LA Showcase!), each of which, I saw two times. Trust me, I would have seen these shows every night they were running if I could clone myself. This girl inspires me everyday. True to her nature and talent, Dani killed it in each show with every character she lived in, but her portrayal of Nina in The Seagull especially took my breath away.

Nina is SUCH a difficult role to nail, you guys, and it takes a REALLY gifted, insightful, brave, and effective actor to be able to play the arc of this role. It was one of the most incredible performances onstage I have ever seen and I wish I could show each and every one of you her incredible work. I feel stupid even talking about it because I can’t quite find the words to quite articulate how much I look up to my best friend and how proud of her I am.

So, I’ll just dumb-it down by saying: “YOU ARE AMAZING, DANI!!” 

My little DaniBird. D in USC's production of

My little DaniBird. D in USC’s production of “The Seagull”.

15.) As if the film fests I am already going to haven’t been enough, I decided to party-crash a good chunk of the Newport Beach Film Festival with my new Aussie friends that I met at the Arizona International Film Fest.

I tend to look more legit when at parties I ninja into. Also, my mom took one look at this photo and told me I had Drunk Eyes. Thanks Mom.

I tend to look more legit when at parties I ninja into. Also, my mom took one look at this photo and told me I had Drunk Eyes. Thanks Mom. Pictured: EP Sam Eather of Aussie film “Love Is Now” (look it up).

I drank a lot and ate a lot and consumed 7 s’mores at one event and had a very nice time, thank you. 

Also, I felt fancy.

16.) I am really itching to travel. I hope that the stars align to grant me an international trip (or five) this year. I think the odds may be in my favor.

(Come on, come oonnnnn Birds of Neptune International Premiere..!!)

Yeah. You like what I did there??

Yeah. You like what I did there??

17.) I’ve decided that I really want a pet but am truly TOO VAGABONDY and poor to be a good dog or cat mom (see #1 & #2 above). 

See?! I'm even in my car in this pic! I am never NOT DRIVING.

See?! I’m even in my car in this pic! I am never NOT DRIVING.

18.) SO I’ve made many new dog friends around town. (Also my ulterior motive for all of the house-sitting I do.)

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dog spoon > every boyfriend, ever. Sorry.

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WOAAA PUGGLE

19.) AND I’ve made many new cat friends around town. 11044993_10152921894767639_8296777836104554201_n20.) I’ve discovered that the older I get, the more I dress like a child.

Do I ever wear NOT animal prints?

Do I ever wear NOT animal prints?

Pretty sure I had this same outfit at 4 years old.

Pretty sure I had this same outfit at 4 years old.

21.) Okay… uhh.. god… thinking of 28 things is actually pretty hard… let’s see, um..  ….I’ve been eating a LOT of pizza lately? Like, a lot?

...surprise, surprise, in airports, too, people.

…surprise, surprise, in airports, too, people.

22.) Ummm… it rained in LA a lot this past month? And that was weird? IMG_2838 23.) I don’t know why I am ending things in question marks all of a sudden?  giphy-2 24.) Maybe because I’m avoiding big parts of my life?

hyperbole-and-a-half-thank-you-sorry-sad-cry-frenchyincali

(c) Allie Brosh, my spirit animal

Kellie9

(c) Allie Brosh, my spirit animal

25.) Okay, let’s get real here for a second. Because 2EA believes in that shit. 

Also, we are a meme. So automatically anything we say is awesome.

Also, we are a meme. So automatically anything we say is awesome.

After all, we are real humans with real feelings.

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(c) Allie Brosh, my spirit animal

So… sigh. Okay.

Though the external evidence of this post may suggest otherwise, I have a pretty sad heart right now. For the first time in, well, ever, I am unclear of what is next. My internal compass, which is usually pretty strong, is not so strong right now. I don’t know what it’s supposed to mean or what I am supposed to do. I feel sad and scared and slightly stupid. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain and weird to talk about. Depression has been a thing. Top Tier / Grade A / Boss-Level Heartbreak has been a thing. Crippling anxiety spiral has been a thing. 

And yet, here I am. Still bravely loving, still going hard at my dream, still refusing the conventional day job… 

I am doing my best. I know that one day I’ll crack the happy code. One day I won’t feel so misplaced and scattered and alone-on-an-island-y.

Good Portland omen.

Thank you, Good Portland Omen.

Luckily, I have learned more about myself and what I truly want out of life during these weird heart times. I’ve had to make some really hard decisions, decisions that more often than not have left me with the exact opposite outcome of what I thought I wanted, and through this, I am learning to trust. I am learning to trust my instincts and the order of the Universe. I am learning to breathe into my decisions and into my follow-through. To tell those I love that I love them. To not expect anything back. To be vulnerable. To be a voice of reason. To be a hard-ass. To be a softy. To be what I need for myself in this moment. To acknowledge that no one and nothing is forever, yet allow myself to take comfort in the feeling that some people and some things never truly leave.

Perhaps knowing what I want has somehow made the path I travel seem more indirect or treacherous. Maybe I’ve finally realized the true challenge of committing myself 100% to living the life I want. This is not a life of allowing cop-outs and stifling my feelings and feeling obligated and beating myself up. I realize now that there is nothing more challenging (and more important) than taking care of myself and taking care of my sweet dear heart in the same way that I wish to take care of those I love. It’s no easy thing.

And let’s be real, being a human is just fucking hard. 

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(c) Allie Brosh, my spirit animal

26.) I’ve also had the feeling that this year may be the kick-off to some very important self-discovery: 

I’ve discovered that I feel the most myself when I am on the move. In transit. Exploring. Adventuring. Wandering (I’m sure you’ve picked up that vibe in this post so far). This is also when I feel the most lonely.

There is still so much to discover within myself and sometimes (most of the time) that internal terrain is so rocky. I cry every time I am in an airport. Every. TIME. It’s an odd feeling: always leaving the ones I love, always coming back, this weird ping-pong sensation — but there is truly no feeling that compares to the huge hug feeling from a loved one upon arrival or departure — that pure happycryjoy or happycrylonging –that is the shit that makes me feel alive.

11071470_10203850372608232_7585567630056711546_n 27.) I have the very best friends in the world.

Sweet sweet incredible Dani threw me a surprise party the night of my birthday in March and I seriously had no idea. I felt so loved.

My sisters. Dani and The Suz.

My sisters. Dani and The Suz.

Joy.

Joy.

Class Photo: The Current and Former Residents of the PRL. Missing: Aussie Michael and Electric Grandma Lucia Babe. And Napoleon the Pomeranian.

Class Photo: The Current and Former Residents of the PRL. Missing: Aussie Michael and Electric Grandma Lucia Babe. And Napoleon the Pomeranian.

28.) Let me say it again: I have the very best friends in the world. We build slip-n-slides in our backyard out of trash bags, tarp, and baby oil.

Dani and I engaging in a little bit of competitive Slip-n-Slide drag racing. NBD.

Dani and I engaging in a little bit of competitive Slip-n-Slide drag racing. NBD.

TRIMUMPH. You put up a good fight, D.

TRIMUMPH. You put up a good fight, D.

In closing, so far, 28 is looking like this: Screen Shot 2015-04-08 at 4.07.56 PM A little bit scary. A lotta bit fun. I may accidentally sprain an ankle trying to get a running start down that Big Slippery Blue Tarp of Life, or belly flop in a way that fucking HURTS and knocks the wind out of me, and I may cry about it for a while, or curl up in the fetal position for a sec, but I will always get up.

And, let’s just call it like we see it, folks: Really. I don’t even take that shit off for slip-n-slides. 

Thank you for reading, friends. And for your love and support in my life. You keep me going. ❤

Harris, upon the Returning of her Saturn, OUT. IMG_2048

Guess Who’s Back… BACK AGAIN.

…the Twins are Back. Tell a friend.    

January 7th, 2013. We were born. We offered you consistent radness until January 7th, 2014, Our First Birthday. Then. We disappear without a trace… trace… trace…

Which do you like better? Our obnoxiously omniscient, loud (yet attractive) voices inside your head at all times as we litter the Interwebs by spewing our lives’ details all over the frickin place?

Or the beautiful, comforting silence of our absence? 

Too bad. We are the going back to the loud option. NO ONE IS SURPRISED.

‘Sup bitches. It’s me again. Britt.

And me, Dani.

And we are Two Evil Actors.

As you may recall, in October of 2013, Britt moved to Los Angeles, and I peed my pants with excitement at her glorious arrival.  tumblr_n5h6wbwxWo1r4q7zxo4_250 And you were all thinking, “MY GOD THEY’RE IN THE SAME CITY NOW!!  IT’S A WHOLE NEW WORLD OF TWO EVIL ACTORS POSSIBILITIES!!” thatssotrue_11735_1338616849 And then we were all like… static WE WERE TOO BUSY LOVING EACH OTHER TO WRITE. AND WE’RE SORRY. 

SORRY.

But! Here’s what we’ve been doing while living together and being awesome.  

———————–

2014 in Review

This is like our Christmas card to you. Except it’s late. DEAL WITH IT.

January:

Dani fixes the garbage disposal

photo That’s right, bitches. I single-handedly took apart the sink, fixed it, and put it back together again. LIKE  A BOSS. I will never do anything ever again that makes me respect myself more. Except for right now, when I fix it again, because it’s broken again. Exactly a year later. 

Britt is unemployed for like nine-million years and plummets down a death-spiral of depression and angry clown dreams.

  …Enough said. It was a rough month. 

February:

Dani stops thinking about the apocalypse and starts thinking about a bike tour

photo 2 So, you know how when your mind wanders it tends to wander to the same thing(s) over and over again?

Yup. Like since that one time when we went to Aldo over the summer I’ve been obsessing about buying silver sparkly jelly shoes just for nostalgia. I don’t even think they are in stock anymore. Some other place might have them but it wouldn’t be the same. I want THOSE ones. They remind me of being six.

Right.

I think the point is, I think about being a kid, like, ALL the time.  And wearing jelly shoes. 

Exactly. Like that. 

Well. For the years of 2012 and 2013, which is a solid two years of my life, and I mean ALL THE TIME AND ALMOST CONSTANTLY, I was thinking about the impending violent end of human civilization as we know it.  You want to talk about dystopian literature with someone? I’M YOUR GIRL. You want to theorize about the many ways in which climate change might dramatically kill off large portions of the human population in the next 100 years? I HAVE IMAGINED THOSE SCENARIOS. It was a terrible mental habit, and yes I have a series of mostly-joking-but-really-I’ve-thought-this-through plans for surviving various scenarios, but I finally managed to break this habit! …By planning a 1500-mile bicycyle tour with a budget of $0.00 and having never done a bike tour before!

D, let’s be real. You were pretty much just finding an excuse to prepare for the apocalypse some more. But with bikes.  bicycles-post-apocalyptic-vanished My plan was to take about a month to ride the approximately 1500 miles from Portland, Oregon to Los Angeles, California with my post-apocalypse partner-in-crime Sister Suz. 

(Note the bicycle tattoo)

(Note the sexy bicycle tattoo)

So instead of constantly thinking about a food shortage or water war, I spent over half of 2014 wondering if I had enough gears on my bike and learning how to at least crudely repair every moving part on my bike. I rode hundreds and hundreds of miles. I spent hours at the Bike Kitchen. Starting in February, I thought about little else besides this trip. 

Britt gets what she wished for and works a horrible corporate accounting job of death

IMG_6737  Dear world. This is not a stock image. This was the actual view when I walked outside of my building. This is not beautiful. This is suffocation. This is a Corporate Cage of Suffering. 

March:

Dani does Shakespeare’s worst play

Screen Shot 2015-01-01 at 11.18.17 PM Have you ever heard of “Pericles: Prince of Tyre”?  Yeah that’s because it’s a bad play.  They think that a couple of Shakespeare’s lackeys wrote it while drunk in a bar and then turned it in to Shakespeare and he was like, “What the fuuuuuu? Oh shit I don’t have time to fix this I’ll just add some pirates. Who wants shots??” 

Britt turns 27. Her Saturn returns. Which, we hear, is good.

IMG_6375IMG_3249 I’m all grown up I’m all GROWWWWN UUUPPP

April:

Dani becomes a valet

MV5BMzYwMjcwNjgxMF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNzU1ODk1MDE@._V1_SY317_CR1,0,214,317_AL_ That’s right, I too have a menial service job. Now I’m OFFICIALLY an actor in Los Angeles. Turns out I’m really good at parallel parking. Please hire us to work your event. I’m poor. 

Britt begins tutoring

You know what’s better than being an Internal Auditor? ANYTHING. Heh. Well. Specifically: Being a TUTOR! With kids! (Mostly big kids.) This job is so much fun, you guys. I work for the coolest company around (Quantum Tutors), I have the best boss in the History of Ever (Anna Clark), and sometimes I even get free food (Seder Dinner, yo!). Not only do I get to help students feel confident about themselves and their abilities, I get to up my Geek-Status a level or two (I teach math & SAT prep, people). It’s a win-win.  Throughout the rest of 2014 I will work to try to tutor enough kids that I can leave my various accounting jobs behind. This is my quest. This is my goal.

May:

Britt flies to Portland to witness the collegiate graduation of her little Not-So-Little bro

brograd Go Pilots!! That’s TWO Harris Pilot Grads for the price of ONE! …Okay wooa wooaa that is definitely not true. UP, you made double-bank offa our tuition and infinite student loans. You’re welcome. Pilots till I die. 

Britt does an E-Cig commercial and studies with Larry Moss. Not like those should in any way be lumped together. But I’m an evil actor, biatch. I lump what I want.

Unexpected lesson #274 that I’ve learned from being an actor. It is more painful to chain smoke electronic cigarettes for a single day while shooting a commercial than it is to chain smoke real cigarettes on the set of a feature length film for multiple weeks.

Unexpected lesson #275 learned from being an actor.  If I look at a rock the wrong way I will start weeping uncontrollably.  

Drawing by Evil Genius Allie Brosh. Go to her blog right now and read all her shit. Actually finishing reading our blog and then go read her blog.

Drawing by Evil Genius Allie Brosh. Go to her blog right now and read all her shit. Actually finishing reading our blog and then go read her blog.

It turns out Antigone is a really brutal play and it will get at all of your inner Freudian tragedy. It also turns out that Larry Moss is a genius acting teacher. 

Dani and Britt witness Sister Suz graduate with an MSW in Wizardry.

IMG_6537IMG_6543   Congratulations Sister Suz! We are counting on you to change the world. Which you already are. 

June:

Dani writes her first feature-length screenplay

Screen Shot 2015-01-01 at 11.29.51 PM

Title page, biatch.

It’s a coming-of-age story set in rural Idaho that forces a girl and a community to confront their old, stale beliefs about race and identity.  I wrote it because I wanted to examine how racism is subtly ingrained in the majority mindset, and how microaggressions allow oppression to continue in more extreme ways. There are also jokes in it. 

Britt performs at the Hollywood Fringe Festival

p_1801_i_1783540  I worked on a parody of The Twilight Zone in which five episodes from the series were brought to life ON STAGE. There was a gremlin on the wing of an airplane, water was spat into Britt’s face, I heckled some audience members, more water was spat into Britt’s face, I wore a mask of my own face on my actual face (meta) and I just went from third person to first person twice to third person then back to first person and I’m not quite sure why. I also played a guy named Drunk Dino. He was my favorite. 

July:

Dani hikes 200 miles

DCIM100GOPRO See those two beautiful women?  That is Sammi and Jenny, and they made a pact to hike the entire Pacific Crest Trail (that goes all the way from Canada to Mexico) over the course of the next 7 years. Because they are the best humans in the world, they invited me along. In less than two weeks we hiked over 200 miles, which is about half the state of Washington. On multiple occasions, I thought my feet were going to fall off, but I discovered more internal strength than I ever thought possible and formed deeper friendships with these women than I ever thought possible. It was totally life-changing. 

Britt and Dani get married (okay, Sister Liz does, but let’s avoid technicalities here).

1487895_866387051534_2029421003196335355_o In a fit of pure madness, Sister Liz included Dani and me in the group of women who would wear matching dresses and stand by her on her wedding day.  Needless to say, everyone at the wedding reception was forced to “bend over and make their knees touch their elbows” to the sultry sounds of Lil Jon in his wedding classic “Bend Ova.”

August:

Dani almost rides a bike

So by now I had rebuilt every moving part on my shitty used bike by hand with shitty used bike parts and jerry-rigged a trailer to go on the back of my bike. I had lost my travel-buddy Sister Suz to a job in Los Angeles, so I was going to do my first bike tour, 1500 miles, totally solo. (Anybody see any problems with this plan so far?) I created an instagram account called daniridesabike to document my journey. 

About to set off from Astoria, Oregon to Los Angeles, CA. #imcrazy #bikesaregreat #ladybikesladyhikes

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  And then, as you might expect, I had total equipment failure and was shut down before I could even really attempt it. My shitty beginners craftsmanship did not hold up to coastal winds and passing semi-trucks, and it became clear that the solo bike trip was a terrible, terrible idea. 

Whelp. All of my equipment fell apart within the first 2 miles. No more bike trip. Further adventures are TBA.

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Britt and Dani take a road trip

IMG_7111 Luckily, I was driving back to Los Angeles in my sweet new ride (2003 Honda Accord, bitches!) and needed a driving buddy to talk about boys with and blast Beyonce.  Dani was stuck in Portland with all her bike gear, so she hopped in. I always wanted to go to San Francisco and drive over the Golden Gate Bridge, 

and I always wanted to go on a road trip with Britt,

And we were trying to figure out the perfect song to play as we crossed the Golden Gate Bridge at night with all its pretty lights. 

Except Britt‘s phone wasn’t working and time was running out. 

At the perfect moment, XO from Beyonce’s new album randomly came on and melted our brains BECAUSE WE LISTENED TO THAT SONG OBSESSIVELY AT NEW YEARS 2014. It was one of those perfect moments that is hard to describe. That song is what it feels like to be in love. 

Which we are. *Sigh*

Dani hikes 100 miles

Once our badass road trip was over, I was pretty bummed. After all of that hopeful planning and preparation, for my bike trip, I had failed. Just straight up set a goal and failed miserably. I had nothing to do for a month and my mind was starting to return to its old habit of constantly daydreaming about the apocalypse. I needed to reset. So I did the logical thing. I bought a couple maps, tossed all my backpacking gear in the trunk, and drove to Mammoth Lakes, California. I set off on an 8-day, 100-mile, solo backpacking trip in the Inyo National Forest and Yosemite back country. Just me, my gear, and all this pretty: photo (1)

Dani turns a Quarter Century OLD.

10548710_10203292730493301_4989329901981872816_o BEST BIRTHDAY EVER. We moved the couch to the backyard, had a little campfire, and drank much wine.  All of my beautiful roommates handmade me beautiful gifts, and my beautiful Britt wrote me an amazing song and made everyone at the party sing it. I also ate 5 different kinds of gluten-free baked goods. 

September:

Dani starts rehearsing her Master’s thesis, The Three Play Rep

Britt joins a social-change punk-rock band

10608504_10203380068196085_7491220549764919846_o

 Britt moves into a REEAAAAL room! After a year of living in a fake one! 

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Before (glorified sheet room):

Apt 2

After (real room with real people walls and doors):

Apt 4

Look! I have stuff! Look at my stuff!

Okay okay so maybe these look exactly the same, but I PROMISE YOU I am a little bit more like an adult now because I have walls for walls and not sheets for walls. Also I have my own bathroom and shower and closet and kitchenette so THERE.

October:

Britt celebrates her One Year LA-Versary

oneyearLAversary This was probably the most challenging year of my life and definitely the year of the most growth.  I could not be more full of love for the people I have in my life and I’m so incredibly lucky to live under the same roof as my best friends. I win everything. 

DAMN STRAIGHT. Britt freakin’ killed it this year and fought like a badass to work towards living the life she wants to live. I could not be more proud of my girl. 

November:

Britt is self-employed. AKA Professional Life Scavenger. 

IMG_6302 Step One:  Drive to Culver City for therapy.  12 MILES

Step Two: Drive to Hollywood for a work meeting. 8 MILES

Step Three: Drive to Calabasas to tutor a student.  24 MILES

Step Four: Drive to San Pedro for rehearsal.  50 MILES 

Step Five: Drive home to Echo Park to pass out.  26 MILES

Total-Distance-Driven-in-Britt’s-Average-Day: 120 MILES

Total-Waking-Hours-Of-Britt:  17 HOURS

Total-Taylor-Swift-Jam-Sessions-in-Car: CANNOT COUNT THE NUMBER. TOO HIGH. 

Britt does a light classic Greek comedy.

Oedipus You may have heard of this hilarious romp. It’s called Oedipus the King and it involves a lot of incest and self-mutilation.  Apparently 2014 was not done making me do super brutal and Freudian Greek plays. Also, there is nothing quite like standing around outside in the rainy cold by the coast half naked and covered in body paint to teach you about commitment.  THEATRE IS HARD PEOPLE. 

December:

Dani goes to Russia

seagull Ok not actually. But I did start rehearsing a play called “The Seagull” by which is set in Russia. So in my mind I’ve been spending a lot of time in Russia. Part of the Master’s thesis. More to come on this subject… 

Britt and Dani have a very, VERY Ke$ha Chri$tma$ (again).

IMG_0628   Say what you want about us, but we can sure throw a party. Especially if it is Ke$ha and Miley themed. 

Britt is going to Slamdance

BON Slamdance A film I did in 2013, Birds of Neptune, is having its world premiere at the Slamdance Film Festival in Park City, UT!! Holy BALLS!!! This is such a huge honor. I am so proud of my BON fam. The festival runs alongside Sundance, so we will be able to take advantage of all of the fun and badassedry that is attached to that, as well. But basically… I am freaking out. Like a little girl. SO. Excited. ————

….anything you wanna know more about? Write it in the comments and we’ll retro-actively post. Just live that shit all over again, like it’s No Big Deal.

———–

Stay tuned for a sneak peak into our 2015 Evil Plans to Take Over the World. BECAUSE WE’RE BACK Y’ALL!  BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!

HELL YEAH!  BETTER WATCH OUT WORLD, WE ARE COMING FOR YOU! WHY ARE WE YELLING?! WE SIMPLY CANNOT STOP. OR MAYBE OUR CAPS LOCK IS BROKEN AGAIN… FUCK.

FUCK. I THINK THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING, ACTUALLY. BRITT, WHY ARE WE SO POOR?

 I DON’T KNOOOOOOWW 

MUCH LOVE,  

DB

dani and britt kicked 2013 in the face! happy 1st bday, Two Evil Actors!

Holy moley. Did we have a year, or WHAT, Dani?!

Holy shitballs, Britt.  It was crazy.  What do you think was the craziest thing we did in 2013?

Start this blog, obviously. 

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BLOG-MATE!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, TWIN-WIN!! 

Today is the One Year Anniversary of Two Evil Actors, and we thought this would be a good moment to take a look back at 2013 for a little highlights tour. To get a juicy, in-depth look at the crazy shit that happened to us this year, click on the sexy pink hyperlinks. Obviously, the first stop on this tour is…

We are BORN!!

NANTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo, Britt, did you know that those were the words to the Lion King song?  

Yes. Because I know ALL of the words to The Lion King. All the lines, and all of the lyrics. 

Damn, dude, I’m impressed.  I always thought it was “Ahhhh svegenya swuhduhgee vuhdada!!”  Turns out the lyrics are Zulu for “Here comes a lion, Father.” 

Of course it is.

Well.  Now that THAT’S cleared up.  We’ve veered off course as usual.

Typical.

 BACK ON TRACK, EVIL MOFOS.  And now for… (drumroll please)  THE YEAR 2013 IN REVIEW:

Britt goes viral

… but in a healthy, Internet kind of way.

Dani goes crazyballs

The winning rant. Based on charlie sheen and his crazy ways.

…in a losing-my-mind, grad school kind of way.  WINNING.

Britt comes out of the closet and moves into a closet

I came out of the closet about my secret dream to move to LA… but moved into my little brother’s frat boy basement like a real adult first. 

Dani gets a smartphone

This was MOMENTOUS for me.  Now I can check my email FROM MY CELL PHONE.  What will they think of next?

Britt stars in a movie

10 life-points earned! 

Girl, that’s like 1000 life points.  Truth be told, my girl was involved in too many badass projects in 2013 to even include all of them here.  My sista found some great collaborators and art-ed all over the place.  HELL yeah. 

Dani learns some damn discipline

Apparently I had to go to grad school in order to learn how to be an adult.  Just trying to whip myself into shape here, people. 

Britt and Dani are reunited (and it feels so good)

Watch out, Society. Total World Domination = Imminent.

Britt’s house burns down

I promise you– I am not making this shit up.

Dani goes to India

photo 1 (2)

There is no way I can sum up that two months of my life.  All I can say is that it was incredibly life-changing. 

Britt has a cancer scare

Everything will be okay.

Dani and Britt have hotswetymonkysex

WakingUpTheNextMorning 2

Ewww not really.  That would be incest.  But we did have a blast playing “the googlesearch game,” AKA What-the-hell-are-people-looking-for-when-they-stumble-upon-our-blog.  Turns out, people google some weeeeeiiirrd shit.

Britt quits her day job

And it feels so good.

Dani gets culture shock… in America

I had a hard time adjusting to being back in the United States.  I smoothed the transition with alcohol and had an EPIC August in Los Angeles.

Britt goes viral… AGAIN

I got drunk on a spaceship. Truth.

Dani has an existential crisis

It was a weird Fall.  Incorporating my experiences in India into my life in Los Angeles, Writing a one-woman show, Rehearsing a million things for grad school…. WHO AM I??

Britt eats a BIG MEAL

I have the time of my life working on an incredible show at Artists Repertory Theatre.

Dani stops eating everything

That’s right.  Everything.  I find out that I’m essentially allergic to wheat, corn, dairy, sesame, sunshine, and air.

Britt moves to LA!!! (And Dani’s poppin’ bottles)

We’re everybody’s favorite shitshow.

Dani has the Time of her Life

photo 1

Check out that sex-machine.  I got to play a boy in The Time of Your Life and act my ass off in a bunch of other stuff at USC.  Confession: I kinda miss having a dick.

Britt survives the jungle

I’m Queen of the Urban Jungle, baby. Or–at least–the Queen of being Dirt-Ass Broke.

Wow.  Between the two of us there were some super high highs, some super low lows, and just about everything in between.  I have to say though, I am so proud of the resilience and strength of my Britt, because she had one topsy-turvy year.  That is a lot of artistic creation and a lot of major life change for one person in one year.  

And I could not be more proud of my Dani girl. Her passion, bravery, and big open heart led her halfway across the world for a quarter of a year to immerse herself in a different culture and way of life, and those same Dani qualities inspired her to create bold and beautifully honest work in her intensive program at USC in 2013. That is a lot of artistic creation and a self-discovery for one person in one year.

As for myself, it’s hard to map the subtle changes that have taken place in me over the past year, but from where I’m standing, my internal terrain has shifted drastically.  I feel more honest, more myself, than I have ever felt.  For better or for worse.  

And from a Britt perspective, a Brittspective, this year has transformed me more than any other. It inspired me and shook me to my core. I have felt broken, I have been afraid, I have had moments of extreme clarity and have been surrounded with more love than I have ever experienced. And although I am far from having it all figured out, 2013 has made me the luckiest woman I know and I am so, so thankful.

In my opinion, we did 2013 right, even if we didn’t know what we were doing half of the time.

(…Typical.)

Yeah, that seems about right. 

Let’s ride that Furry Tractor of Badassedry right into 2014.

Bring it ON 2014!!

We love you guys.

~ dani & britt

 

britt has homes in different area codes

Happy holidays everyone! Sorry, had to blow my GIF load before I could focus on typing a coherent sentence.

I am writing to you from my favorite high school hangout, Bertolino’s coffeeshop (open 24/7, bitches) in my hometown, Tacoma, WA. It is rainy as balls here. My plans include sleeping, eating, binge-watching Arrested Development on Netflix, sleeping, catching up on the five issues of Variety I haven’t read, and sleeping. Also, I’ve been alone a lot with my thoughts since being home.

Home?

I have so many different homes. Los Angeles, Portland, Tacoma… I know this comes with the territory of being a post-collegiate 20-something artist vagabond, but holy WOW. Some of the thoughts I have! I swear half the time I don’t know where I am, who I am, where I am going or where I want to go, what house I’m in when I wake up in the morning and what job I am going to that day. It’s a lot. But this life is what I choose and what I want. I want to take full ownership of that.

Up until a few weeks ago, I was really homesick for Portland, but now I am homesick for Los Angeles. It’s so funny how that shifts. I was lucky enough to be able to spend a quick weekend in Portland this month to shoot an episode of Random Acts and spend some quality time with my good friend Liz. The trip was very good for my soul. I can’t remember the last time I was able to completely relax for 24 hours. It was heaven. I slept in my old room in my best friend’s house that was beautifully decorated for Christmas, I had two cats and a dog to snuggle with, there was bottomless kombucha to consume, and I got to see my brother and some of my very dearest friends. Heaven! I needed that. And when Liz drove me to the airport at 4am on a Monday in the freezing 18-degree Portland winter weather, I was ready to go back to my new home.

New home!

Let me tell you more about my new home. When we first moved in, my “room” looked like this: photo And here is how it looks NOW: 1234 You like those classy make-shift walls and sheet-doors we discussed last time? Yeah, I like ’em too. We’ve been busy.

I’ve been busy.

My Few Couple Weeks:

The past few weeks have been a crazy blur of work, reconnecting with friends, parties, casting workshops, and glitter. I also wrapped up my audit of the Los Angeles District Court (because I am an all-around badass) and started a new job and quit said job on the same day (because I am an all-around badass).

As noted earlier, I flew back to Portland for a weekend to shoot an episode of the PNW webseries, Random Acts and spend quality time with my dear friend Liz. I flew back to LA after the trip at the crack of dawn to get to an audition on time, which made me feel kind of awesome. Awesome and sleep-deprived.

We had our first annual “A Very Ke$ha Christmas” themed party (and our first ever party in our new home). “A Very Ke$ha Christmas”, as in, this:

plus this:

to achieve this:

…but in a Christmasy sort of way. Just think of the unicorns as reindeer and the glitter as snowflakes.

It is safe to say that our sparkly extravaganza was a hit. What are the ingredients for throwing a hit LA party, you ask? Let me tell you.

1.) Decorate the house with the appropriate mix of Christmas and glitter.

2

 2.) Craft some vaguely Christmas and Ke$ha-themed signs.

3

3.) Have a Suz create some installation art.

4

4.) Sketchily make some sangria in a cooler with the “50% off” gallon of white wine you had at the house:

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5.) Make the dress code bright colors, glitter, and anything with animals on it. If a guest shows up out of dress-code, proceed to glitter-bomb them. (Thank you Suz for the use of your craft-drawer glitter stash.)

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6.) When you wake up in the morning to this, you know you have succeeded.

photo

Yup.

The past few weeks also brought SoCal Christmas parades in the 78 degree heat,

Merry.

Merry.

CHRISTMAS.

CHRISTMAS.

and the fabulous Christmas surprise of seeing the Broadway hit, Peter and the Starcatcher (THANKS, ScoLo!!). It was incredible.

These past few weeks have left me one happy Britt girl. Merry effing xmas.

I leave you now with my Scoreboard.

Scoreboard:

Number of agent/manager meetings: 2.2 Number of auditions: 2.1 Number of Parking Tickets: 0

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas to all. photo

love, santa, & teddy bears,

~britt

britt gets a job, a house, and an LA attitude

I am in it for the long haul, baby.

Now that’s an LA attitude.

Oh man. So much to tell. It’s been a month and a half since I last wrote (seriously?!) and it’s been nearly two months since I’ve moved to The City of Angels. I’ve already lived here long enough to know that if I’m going to get any work done in this place, I have to think about the Not So Near Future. The Ten-Year Plan. The Thirty-Year Plan. The I’ll Retire When I Get My Own Theme Park Plan. The Long Haul. And I am down for it. I am so down.

…So here’s what’s UP.

Living in this city is fucking hard. I have no money, I hate the way I am making the little money I have, and my soul is craving the work I want to do but I have no idea how long it will take. That is the hard reality of this new life. In Portland, I could create all the time. Here, it’s not so easy. The community is not the same and the barriers to entry are so incredibly high. But I’m embracing this reality and the endless work and recurring self-doubt and daily falling asleep in my cubicle with the knowledge that a good work ethic, preparedness, and the ability to laugh at how utterly ridiculous my life is (and, I suppose, always has been) is my best aid for throwing myself into the deep end.

But for only two months, I gotta say–I’m doing pretty well! I got a job with a temp agency to do accounting work and am currently working on an internal audit for the LA District Court. Crazy, right? I definitely didn’t see that one coming.

I never thought I’d go back to my accounting roots so quickly, but I gave in after 2 weeks of living in LA with no idea of what to do for work. My next goal is to do this kind of work within the industry. I bet I would like accounting a lot more if I was doing it in Entertainment. And let’s be real, that paycheck would be nice.

BUT! Focus!! That is not why I am here.

This is not why I uprooted from the home I love to a scary new frontier. I had so many gut-pulls bringing me here and I am just beginning to find out what they all mean. I am finding my Self here and I fit. I am making new discoveries every day and feel a strong connection to this place and its people and all the crazy shit that comes with it. It is exhilarating.

Long haul, baby. 

I know this year is going to be especially hard (how could it not be!), but this place is incredible. It has its own pulse, its own lifeforce, its own story to tell. It has a current surging through it. Everyone is questing for something. No one is idle. It is a dream for me. My favorite people on the planet live in this city and I have an incredible house in an incredible neighborhood and draw inspiration daily from everyone and everything around me. I want to become a part of this huge force that drives this whole city forward.

Alright. Enough Dear Diary-ing. You guys get it. You know what I’m about. On to the important stuff.

HOUSE!!! DANI AND I GOT A HOUSE!! And our house is awesome!!

I live with this girl:

the SUZ.

the SUZ.

And this guy:

our new BFF, compliments of Craiglist. THANKS, CRAIGSLIST. One of us, ONE OF US!!

Meet Dean, our new BFF, compliments of Craigslist. THANKS, CRAIGSLIST. One of us, ONE OF US!!

And this dog:

Meet Napoleon, Dean's partner in crime.

Meet Napoleon, Dean’s partner in crime.

and of course, my girl DANI!!

that is one hot twin.

that is one hot twin.

And we all live together in a spacious house that is ridiculously (unintentionally) hipster (that’s how you know it’s real hipster) in Echo Park. We own a bunch of street furniture, neon animal art, and lion lamps spray-painted a very”timeless teal”. We have also been known to spray-paint home décor bright pink and throw glitter on top of it. We also may be having a “Very Ke$ha Christmas” housewarming party in a couple weeks. We are an LA field trip episode of Portlandia waiting to happen.

no caption needed.

no caption needed.

And look at this yard! How cool is this yard?!

THERE IS A SWING.

THERE IS A SWING.

THERE IS A SKYLINE VIEW.

THERE IS A SKYLINE VIEW.

THERE IS A STAGE.

THERE IS A STAGE.

THERE IS A SWING AND A STAGE. I need not say more. There is nothing more to say. We win. We win everything.

We moved into our house on Halloween night, which none of us seemed to think was a bad idea. But I mean, come on, we got the keys early, so we had to…

AMERIKEY, FUCK YEAH

AMERIKEY, FUCK YEAH

Cut to: Britt, Dani, and Suzzane carrying a mattress up the hill to our new house, from their old house, while costumed children jumped out at us and screamed, “BOOOO!!!!”, to which we calmly respond: “We’re dressed up as boring old movers, kids, move along. There’s nothing to see here”.

Cut to: Britt Dani, and Suz moving the box spring up the same hill fifteen minutes later. Cue the same costumed children running up to us and screaming: “BOOOO!!! We said, BOOOOO!!!” Yup, you got us last time, actually, precious children. Just please, for the love of all things sugary and sweet, shut UP and stop running around the moving bed!

It is very, very hard to drag a box spring uphill in the dark when you are laughing so hard you think you might pee. God bless the little children demons.

I think that was one of the best Halloweens ever.

And for those of you who have been following along with my life, you know that I simply CANNOT live in a REAL bedroom like a normal person. I am sure you will not be surprised to hear that I live in a makeshift room with fake walls in our Hipster Mansion:

Dani & Napoleon, chillin in the nook outside my make-shift room.

Dani & Napoleon, chillin in the nook outside my make-shift room. Not hipster in the least.

That’s right. Check out those sweet Ta-Da, These-Were-Once-Bait-And-Tackle-Diplays-But-Are-Now-Walls walls!! Dani found these suckers off Craigs List at a (you guessed it) Bait and Tackle shop in Sherman Oaks that was going out of business. Dani strapped these bad boys to the top of her car, Franca. It’s a miracle that we didn’t flip the car, die, or get pulled over. We are wizards.

cray D

WIZARD.

Wow. I am so overwhelmed with updates for you all. I have to simply accept that this post is going to make no sense whatsoever. I will now skip to highlights for this month in LIST FASHION!

I don’t know why I felt the need to bring SpongeBob into this. I am sorry.

My Past Month:

The Portland-based webseries, Random Acts, began airing episodes this month! You can check out the first three episodes here.

I saw this show:

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Starring this guy:

'STACHE!

‘STACHE!

…THREE times. It was so good. I am in love with Pasadena Playhouse and think they should have run that show for five more weeks.

I also saw this show:

season-9-gidionwith my Third Rail friends at Furious Theatre. I am excited to see Third Rail Rep produce it in Portland this season!! It is such an incredible script.

And then… there’s Dani.

Ohhhhh, Dani girl… I am so blown away with your talent and presence.

I had the exquisite pleasure of watching Dani onstage at USC twice this month. I saw her play WIllie and Ellie (yeah she played a man and then a young ingénue in the same show, no big deal) in William Saroyan’s “Time of Your Life” and watched her breathe beautiful life into a solo performance she wrote  for her final project. Holy… shit. I cannot put into words what that performance did to me. Danielle Nicole Larson, you are going to bring incredible things into this world. Don’t ever stop telling stories (I know you won’t). You inspire me every day. As an artist and a human being. Thank you.

Yup, that’s right folks… the Evil Twins are back in action in the SAME CITY. Do you know what this MEANS?!

trouble.

trouble.

… it means we don’t have enough time to write blog posts anymore because we’re too busy hanging out with each other.

But we’ll be better about that. Stay tuned for the next Evil Twin dual post comin atcha, ANY TIME NOW. (Hint, hint, to Dani and SELF.)

I will sign-off now with a very LA Attitude thing to do: sharing my personal scoreboard. Enjoy.

Britt Keeps Score:

Number of Meetings with Agents/Managers:

1

Number of Auditions:
3

Number of Bookings:

0 s

Number of Parking Tickets:0 h

YAY NO PARKING TICKETS!! And just for that small victory, I am the master of the whole city.

I will choose to end on that note.

Love to you,

~britt