Full disclosure. I am drunk-blogging at my local watering-hole, as I am pushed to the brink with Eternal Summer, always on the quest of finding air-conditioned establishments to seek refuge in (this is SURVIVAL, here, people, REAL SURVIVAL). At this current … Continue reading
After living out of a suitcase since the beginning of 2015, Vagabond Britt (or “VagaBritt”, as I am now known) is on the move yet again.
and, about 24 hours after my return to LA, will hop on a plane to spend the NEXT 5 WEEKS IN SYDNEY AUSTRAILIA to do some pretty cool shit.
….and spirit quest. And eat Australian bacon. And work a lot. And probably be drunk constantly. And play Aussie Bingo (pet a koala, ride a kangaroo, steal a dingo, get high off of eucalyptus, etc.) (okay I just made that game up) (okay shut up) (okay I will try not to get arrested).* I cannot tell you how intensely I went back and forth on the decision to go DOWN UNDAH (well, at least for the first couple hours). But then, I quickly realized, there are basically NO cons to going on this adventure.
So… I stopped thinking so hard about it.
I’ll see you guys out there.
And, lastly, let me just leave you with this:
You’re welcome and g’day.
*P.S. You have no idea how many “Kangroo Jacking Off” ** GIFS I had to go through to find a more “family friendly” Kangroo GIF.
Because 2EA is FAMILY FRIENDLY.
**Also don’t google that.
…Well, I suppose that TECHNICALLY this is my 29th trip around the sun, but Earth Culture assures me that I am 28 years of age. My Saturn is returning. And all that stuff. Planetary. Thank you, Neil.
And now, today, on this, the 4th Day of the Month of May (it rhymes!), about 7 weeks after my actual, special Friday-the-13th birthday (whoops), and about 970 weeks since my last post (sorry), here are a few things to catch you up on in the incredibly not-boring goings-on of my life:
1.) I’ve got Homes in Different Zip Codes.
Read as: “Vagabond”.
I currently reside in Park La Brea, Altadena and Echo Park (I promise you I am not joking), with pit-stops in places like Culver City, Silverlake, and Hancock Park in between. What can I say? My sterling house-sitting reputation precedes me. As a wandering artist subletting her room, I am not complaining.
2.) Continuing on with the vagabond theme: I’ve been on more airplanes this year than ever. (And I hate flying.)
… I think I’m getting better at the whole flying thing, though. I’ve got a supplement-popping, face-covering, booze-in-flight drinking system that works for me, so don’t worry about it.
‘Cuase let’s be real. I’m not flirting with that bitch mono again.
I just got back from Arizona International Film Festival in Tucson, where Birds of Neptune won the award for Best Dramatic Feature!! Holy CRAP! And if that wasn’t an honor enough, the film was also selected to screen again on the final night of the festival for the “Best of Fest” celebration. …An encore screening? Yes, please!! Thank you, Tucson! 😀
Up next on the festival trail? Mammoth Lakes Film Fest at the end of the May. Hopefully you’ll be seeing me all over the globe promoting this film. This is just the beginning! 😀
WOOOOAAAA! I am on cloud 9 from this, truly. Tucson was such a special, surreal, magical place, and this recognition is such an incredible honor.
5.) I still self-employed and loving it.
6.) Dani and I went aboard The Queen Mary to witness the marriage of our dear college friend Hillary:
…Which made me think that perhaps I should live on a boat at some point in my life. Because, COME ON.
So, basically — Two Evil Actors, the Content Creators, are stampeding your way SOON, betch!! Mark my words! FEAR US!
8.) I am writing a lot of music these days. I hope to record my stuff later this year, so I will keep you posted on that. All of this material is all super personal to me so it is SCAAAAARY. Which obviously means that I have to do it. 9.) Speaking of recording music, I had the opportunity to record music with my very talented brother for the first time in March.I was lucky enough to be in Seattle for an audition when my brother Nate and my cousin Cameron were recording the first EP for Nate’s music duo, NW Passage. (Think of Nate Harris as the Ryan Lewis to NW Passage’s Macklemore. He is a genius.) They asked me to record vocals on some of the tracks. It was SO fun.
Look! Cute photos of me and bro in the studio!
10.) STILL speaking of recording music– I have finished recording basic vocals for the first No Vanquished album! It won’t be long now ’til we release and UNLEASH this music into the world!
And I am in a constant state of reconciling this emotional and geographical dissonance.
12.) I took a few covert Portland visits this year to feed my heart.
Short and sweet and sad, it hurts me a bit to come back to Portland now. It confuses me and makes me wonder where I am supposed to be. I don’t think it will always be that way, but…. what is it they say in that one song?
Yeah, something like that.
Anyway. My heart is in Portland. Y’all knew that.
13.) Surprise, Mom! I got a new tattoo. I was born ass-first on Friday the 13th (it ALL makes sense now, right?!) and my birthday happened to fall on Friday the 13th this year. So, naturally, I needed to get a Friday the 13th tattoo.
I must note that Dani and our good friend and housemate Raisa got Friday the 13th tatts that day as well. Because we are part of a gang.
14.) I am officially the USC MFA program’s biggest stage-mom. I could not be more proud of my Dani, who recently completed her THREE SHOW REP (AND NY & LA Showcase!), each of which, I saw two times. Trust me, I would have seen these shows every night they were running if I could clone myself. This girl inspires me everyday. True to her nature and talent, Dani killed it in each show with every character she lived in, but her portrayal of Nina in The Seagull especially took my breath away.
Nina is SUCH a difficult role to nail, you guys, and it takes a REALLY gifted, insightful, brave, and effective actor to be able to play the arc of this role. It was one of the most incredible performances onstage I have ever seen and I wish I could show each and every one of you her incredible work. I feel stupid even talking about it because I can’t quite find the words to quite articulate how much I look up to my best friend and how proud of her I am.
So, I’ll just dumb-it down by saying: “YOU ARE AMAZING, DANI!!”
15.) As if the film fests I am already going to haven’t been enough, I decided to party-crash a good chunk of the Newport Beach Film Festival with my new Aussie friends that I met at the Arizona International Film Fest.
I drank a lot and ate a lot and consumed 7 s’mores at one event and had a very nice time, thank you.
Also, I felt fancy.
16.) I am really itching to travel. I hope that the stars align to grant me an international trip (or five) this year. I think the odds may be in my favor.
(Come on, come oonnnnn Birds of Neptune International Premiere..!!)
17.) I’ve decided that I really want a pet but am truly TOO VAGABONDY and poor to be a good dog or cat mom (see #1 & #2 above).
18.) SO I’ve made many new dog friends around town. (Also my ulterior motive for all of the house-sitting I do.)
21.) Okay… uhh.. god… thinking of 28 things is actually pretty hard… let’s see, um.. ….I’ve been eating a LOT of pizza lately? Like, a lot?
25.) Okay, let’s get real here for a second. Because 2EA believes in that shit.
After all, we are real humans with real feelings.
So… sigh. Okay.
Though the external evidence of this post may suggest otherwise, I have a pretty sad heart right now. For the first time in, well, ever, I am unclear of what is next. My internal compass, which is usually pretty strong, is not so strong right now. I don’t know what it’s supposed to mean or what I am supposed to do. I feel sad and scared and slightly stupid. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain and weird to talk about. Depression has been a thing. Top Tier / Grade A / Boss-Level Heartbreak has been a thing. Crippling anxiety spiral has been a thing.
And yet, here I am. Still bravely loving, still going hard at my dream, still refusing the conventional day job…
I am doing my best. I know that one day I’ll crack the happy code. One day I won’t feel so misplaced and scattered and alone-on-an-island-y.
Luckily, I have learned more about myself and what I truly want out of life during these weird heart times. I’ve had to make some really hard decisions, decisions that more often than not have left me with the exact opposite outcome of what I thought I wanted, and through this, I am learning to trust. I am learning to trust my instincts and the order of the Universe. I am learning to breathe into my decisions and into my follow-through. To tell those I love that I love them. To not expect anything back. To be vulnerable. To be a voice of reason. To be a hard-ass. To be a softy. To be what I need for myself in this moment. To acknowledge that no one and nothing is forever, yet allow myself to take comfort in the feeling that some people and some things never truly leave.
Perhaps knowing what I want has somehow made the path I travel seem more indirect or treacherous. Maybe I’ve finally realized the true challenge of committing myself 100% to living the life I want. This is not a life of allowing cop-outs and stifling my feelings and feeling obligated and beating myself up. I realize now that there is nothing more challenging (and more important) than taking care of myself and taking care of my sweet dear heart in the same way that I wish to take care of those I love. It’s no easy thing.
And let’s be real, being a human is just fucking hard.
26.) I’ve also had the feeling that this year may be the kick-off to some very important self-discovery:
I’ve discovered that I feel the most myself when I am on the move. In transit. Exploring. Adventuring. Wandering (I’m sure you’ve picked up that vibe in this post so far). This is also when I feel the most lonely.
There is still so much to discover within myself and sometimes (most of the time) that internal terrain is so rocky. I cry every time I am in an airport. Every. TIME. It’s an odd feeling: always leaving the ones I love, always coming back, this weird ping-pong sensation — but there is truly no feeling that compares to the huge hug feeling from a loved one upon arrival or departure — that pure happycryjoy or happycrylonging –that is the shit that makes me feel alive.
Sweet sweet incredible Dani threw me a surprise party the night of my birthday in March and I seriously had no idea. I felt so loved.
28.) Let me say it again: I have the very best friends in the world. We build slip-n-slides in our backyard out of trash bags, tarp, and baby oil.
In closing, so far, 28 is looking like this: A little bit scary. A lotta bit fun. I may accidentally sprain an ankle trying to get a running start down that Big Slippery Blue Tarp of Life, or belly flop in a way that fucking HURTS and knocks the wind out of me, and I may cry about it for a while, or curl up in the fetal position for a sec, but I will always get up.
And, let’s just call it like we see it, folks: Really. I don’t even take that shit off for slip-n-slides.
Thank you for reading, friends. And for your love and support in my life. You keep me going. ❤
And now, for the portion of the blog where Britt and I tell you THE MOTHAFUCKIN’ FUTURE. The FUTURE, biotches. We know what you’re thinking. “Okay, 2EA is back. What the hell are they doing?” Great question. We have no … Continue reading
…the Twins are Back. Tell a friend.
Which do you like better? Our obnoxiously omniscient, loud (yet attractive) voices inside your head at all times as we litter the Interwebs by spewing our lives’ details all over the frickin place?
Or the beautiful, comforting silence of our absence?
Too bad. We are the going back to the loud option. NO ONE IS SURPRISED.
‘Sup bitches. It’s me again. Britt.
And me, Dani.
And we are Two Evil Actors.
As you may recall, in October of 2013, Britt moved to Los Angeles, and I peed my pants with excitement at her glorious arrival. And you were all thinking, “MY GOD THEY’RE IN THE SAME CITY NOW!! IT’S A WHOLE NEW WORLD OF TWO EVIL ACTORS POSSIBILITIES!!” And then we were all like… WE WERE TOO BUSY LOVING EACH OTHER TO WRITE. AND WE’RE SORRY.
But! Here’s what we’ve been doing while living together and being awesome.
2014 in Review
This is like our Christmas card to you. Except it’s late. DEAL WITH IT.
Dani fixes the garbage disposal
That’s right, bitches. I single-handedly took apart the sink, fixed it, and put it back together again. LIKE A BOSS. I will never do anything ever again that makes me respect myself more. Except for right now, when I fix it again, because it’s broken again. Exactly a year later.
Britt is unemployed for like nine-million years and plummets down a death-spiral of depression and angry clown dreams.
…Enough said. It was a rough month.
Dani stops thinking about the apocalypse and starts thinking about a bike tour
Yup. Like since that one time when we went to Aldo over the summer I’ve been obsessing about buying silver sparkly jelly shoes just for nostalgia. I don’t even think they are in stock anymore. Some other place might have them but it wouldn’t be the same. I want THOSE ones. They remind me of being six.
I think the point is, I think about being a kid, like, ALL the time. And wearing jelly shoes.
Exactly. Like that.
Well. For the years of 2012 and 2013, which is a solid two years of my life, and I mean ALL THE TIME AND ALMOST CONSTANTLY, I was thinking about the impending violent end of human civilization as we know it. You want to talk about dystopian literature with someone? I’M YOUR GIRL. You want to theorize about the many ways in which climate change might dramatically kill off large portions of the human population in the next 100 years? I HAVE IMAGINED THOSE SCENARIOS. It was a terrible mental habit, and yes I have a series of mostly-joking-but-really-I’ve-thought-this-through plans for surviving various scenarios, but I finally managed to break this habit! …By planning a 1500-mile bicycyle tour with a budget of $0.00 and having never done a bike tour before!
D, let’s be real. You were pretty much just finding an excuse to prepare for the apocalypse some more. But with bikes. My plan was to take about a month to ride the approximately 1500 miles from Portland, Oregon to Los Angeles, California with my post-apocalypse partner-in-crime Sister Suz.
So instead of constantly thinking about a food shortage or water war, I spent over half of 2014 wondering if I had enough gears on my bike and learning how to at least crudely repair every moving part on my bike. I rode hundreds and hundreds of miles. I spent hours at the Bike Kitchen. Starting in February, I thought about little else besides this trip.
Britt gets what she wished for and works a horrible corporate accounting job of death
Dani does Shakespeare’s worst play
Have you ever heard of “Pericles: Prince of Tyre”? Yeah that’s because it’s a bad play. They think that a couple of Shakespeare’s lackeys wrote it while drunk in a bar and then turned it in to Shakespeare and he was like, “What the fuuuuuu? Oh shit I don’t have time to fix this I’ll just add some pirates. Who wants shots??”
Britt turns 27. Her Saturn returns. Which, we hear, is good.
Dani becomes a valet
That’s right, I too have a menial service job. Now I’m OFFICIALLY an actor in Los Angeles. Turns out I’m really good at parallel parking. Please hire us to work your event. I’m poor.
Britt begins tutoring
You know what’s better than being an Internal Auditor? ANYTHING. Heh. Well. Specifically: Being a TUTOR! With kids! (Mostly big kids.) This job is so much fun, you guys. I work for the coolest company around (Quantum Tutors), I have the best boss in the History of Ever (Anna Clark), and sometimes I even get free food (Seder Dinner, yo!). Not only do I get to help students feel confident about themselves and their abilities, I get to up my Geek-Status a level or two (I teach math & SAT prep, people). It’s a win-win. Throughout the rest of 2014 I will work to try to tutor enough kids that I can leave my various accounting jobs behind. This is my quest. This is my goal.
Britt flies to Portland to witness the collegiate graduation of her little Not-So-Little bro
Go Pilots!! That’s TWO Harris Pilot Grads for the price of ONE! …Okay wooa wooaa that is definitely not true. UP, you made double-bank offa our tuition and infinite student loans. You’re welcome. Pilots till I die.
Britt does an E-Cig commercial and studies with Larry Moss. Not like those should in any way be lumped together. But I’m an evil actor, biatch. I lump what I want.
Unexpected lesson #274 that I’ve learned from being an actor. It is more painful to chain smoke electronic cigarettes for a single day while shooting a commercial than it is to chain smoke real cigarettes on the set of a feature length film for multiple weeks.
Unexpected lesson #275 learned from being an actor. If I look at a rock the wrong way I will start weeping uncontrollably.
It turns out Antigone is a really brutal play and it will get at all of your inner Freudian tragedy. It also turns out that Larry Moss is a genius acting teacher.
Dani and Britt witness Sister Suz graduate with an MSW in Wizardry.
Dani writes her first feature-length screenplay
It’s a coming-of-age story set in rural Idaho that forces a girl and a community to confront their old, stale beliefs about race and identity. I wrote it because I wanted to examine how racism is subtly ingrained in the majority mindset, and how microaggressions allow oppression to continue in more extreme ways. There are also jokes in it.
Britt performs at the Hollywood Fringe Festival
I worked on a parody of The Twilight Zone in which five episodes from the series were brought to life ON STAGE. There was a gremlin on the wing of an airplane, water was spat into Britt’s face, I heckled some audience members, more water was spat into Britt’s face, I wore a mask of my own face on my actual face (meta) and I just went from third person to first person twice to third person then back to first person and I’m not quite sure why. I also played a guy named Drunk Dino. He was my favorite.
Dani hikes 200 miles
See those two beautiful women? That is Sammi and Jenny, and they made a pact to hike the entire Pacific Crest Trail (that goes all the way from Canada to Mexico) over the course of the next 7 years. Because they are the best humans in the world, they invited me along. In less than two weeks we hiked over 200 miles, which is about half the state of Washington. On multiple occasions, I thought my feet were going to fall off, but I discovered more internal strength than I ever thought possible and formed deeper friendships with these women than I ever thought possible. It was totally life-changing.
Britt and Dani get married (okay, Sister Liz does, but let’s avoid technicalities here).
In a fit of pure madness, Sister Liz included Dani and me in the group of women who would wear matching dresses and stand by her on her wedding day. Needless to say, everyone at the wedding reception was forced to “bend over and make their knees touch their elbows” to the sultry sounds of Lil Jon in his wedding classic “Bend Ova.”
Dani almost rides a bike
So by now I had rebuilt every moving part on my shitty used bike by hand with shitty used bike parts and jerry-rigged a trailer to go on the back of my bike. I had lost my travel-buddy Sister Suz to a job in Los Angeles, so I was going to do my first bike tour, 1500 miles, totally solo. (Anybody see any problems with this plan so far?) I created an instagram account called daniridesabike to document my journey.
And then, as you might expect, I had total equipment failure and was shut down before I could even really attempt it. My shitty beginners craftsmanship did not hold up to coastal winds and passing semi-trucks, and it became clear that the solo bike trip was a terrible, terrible idea.
Britt and Dani take a road trip
Luckily, I was driving back to Los Angeles in my sweet new ride (2003 Honda Accord, bitches!) and needed a driving buddy to talk about boys with and blast Beyonce. Dani was stuck in Portland with all her bike gear, so she hopped in. I always wanted to go to San Francisco and drive over the Golden Gate Bridge,
and I always wanted to go on a road trip with Britt,
And we were trying to figure out the perfect song to play as we crossed the Golden Gate Bridge at night with all its pretty lights.
Except Britt‘s phone wasn’t working and time was running out.
At the perfect moment, XO from Beyonce’s new album randomly came on and melted our brains BECAUSE WE LISTENED TO THAT SONG OBSESSIVELY AT NEW YEARS 2014. It was one of those perfect moments that is hard to describe. That song is what it feels like to be in love.
Which we are. *Sigh*
Dani hikes 100 miles
Once our badass road trip was over, I was pretty bummed. After all of that hopeful planning and preparation, for my bike trip, I had failed. Just straight up set a goal and failed miserably. I had nothing to do for a month and my mind was starting to return to its old habit of constantly daydreaming about the apocalypse. I needed to reset. So I did the logical thing. I bought a couple maps, tossed all my backpacking gear in the trunk, and drove to Mammoth Lakes, California. I set off on an 8-day, 100-mile, solo backpacking trip in the Inyo National Forest and Yosemite back country. Just me, my gear, and all this pretty:
Dani turns a Quarter Century OLD.
BEST BIRTHDAY EVER. We moved the couch to the backyard, had a little campfire, and drank much wine. All of my beautiful roommates handmade me beautiful gifts, and my beautiful Britt wrote me an amazing song and made everyone at the party sing it. I also ate 5 different kinds of gluten-free baked goods.
Dani starts rehearsing her Master’s thesis, The Three Play Rep
Britt joins a social-change punk-rock band
Britt moves into a REEAAAAL room! After a year of living in a fake one!
Okay okay so maybe these look exactly the same, but I PROMISE YOU I am a little bit more like an adult now because I have walls for walls and not sheets for walls. Also I have my own bathroom and shower and closet and kitchenette so THERE.
Britt celebrates her One Year LA-Versary
This was probably the most challenging year of my life and definitely the year of the most growth. I could not be more full of love for the people I have in my life and I’m so incredibly lucky to live under the same roof as my best friends. I win everything.
DAMN STRAIGHT. Britt freakin’ killed it this year and fought like a badass to work towards living the life she wants to live. I could not be more proud of my girl.
Britt is self-employed. AKA Professional Life Scavenger.
Step Two: Drive to Hollywood for a work meeting. 8 MILES
Step Three: Drive to Calabasas to tutor a student. 24 MILES
Step Four: Drive to San Pedro for rehearsal. 50 MILES
Step Five: Drive home to Echo Park to pass out. 26 MILES
Total-Distance-Driven-in-Britt’s-Average-Day: 120 MILES
Total-Waking-Hours-Of-Britt: 17 HOURS
Total-Taylor-Swift-Jam-Sessions-in-Car: CANNOT COUNT THE NUMBER. TOO HIGH.
Britt does a light classic Greek comedy.
You may have heard of this hilarious romp. It’s called Oedipus the King and it involves a lot of incest and self-mutilation. Apparently 2014 was not done making me do super brutal and Freudian Greek plays. Also, there is nothing quite like standing around outside in the rainy cold by the coast half naked and covered in body paint to teach you about commitment. THEATRE IS HARD PEOPLE.
Dani goes to Russia
Ok not actually. But I did start rehearsing a play called “The Seagull” by which is set in Russia. So in my mind I’ve been spending a lot of time in Russia. Part of the Master’s thesis. More to come on this subject…
Britt and Dani have a very, VERY Ke$ha Chri$tma$ (again).
Britt is going to Slamdance
A film I did in 2013, Birds of Neptune, is having its world premiere at the Slamdance Film Festival in Park City, UT!! Holy BALLS!!! This is such a huge honor. I am so proud of my BON fam. The festival runs alongside Sundance, so we will be able to take advantage of all of the fun and badassedry that is attached to that, as well. But basically… I am freaking out. Like a little girl. SO. Excited. ————
….anything you wanna know more about? Write it in the comments and we’ll retro-actively post. Just live that shit all over again, like it’s No Big Deal.
Stay tuned for a sneak peak into our 2015 Evil Plans to Take Over the World. BECAUSE WE’RE BACK Y’ALL! BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!
HELL YEAH! BETTER WATCH OUT WORLD, WE ARE COMING FOR YOU! WHY ARE WE YELLING?! WE SIMPLY CANNOT STOP. OR MAYBE OUR CAPS LOCK IS BROKEN AGAIN… FUCK.
FUCK. I THINK THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING, ACTUALLY. BRITT, WHY ARE WE SO POOR?
I DON’T KNOOOOOOWW
D & B
You could probably guess after reading my last post entitled “feeling weak and finding family” and skipping my personal post last week all together, I was working some major shit out. The goal? Taking some time out of the regularly scheduled spazz programming for some Me Time.
Well… as much as I’d like to think I was making progress in this aspect of life, I’m not sure that I was succeeding in taking care of myself the way I was really supposed to. I was not listening to my body. I attributed my constant fatigue and emotional outbursts to “being in a period of transition” or “being in my 20s” or “general life instability” and didn’t give these signals the attention they deserve. I just kept pushing on, true to Britt-fashion, without mercy. So, my body took its own Me Time… against my own will. ‘Cause, as I’m sure we all know, sometimes the body acts as its own separate entity.
Well played Body, you asshole.
And no, this is not your typical stubborn portland cold but rather a stress-triggered outbreak of rashes and inflammation all over my body (I know, I know, gross) that has made it very difficult for me to function like a normal human being in public as I can barely get through a conversation without scratching my ballooned face off. I could get into more gory details (it is as morbidly fascinating as it is embarrassing), but I will spare you. All you need to know if that I kind of look and feel like Elephant Man right now.
The main take-away from this for me is that if I do not take care of my physical and (especially) my emotional health, my physical and emotional self will not take care of me. It is time for me to truly respond to these triggers so my body doesn’t feel like it has to scream at me to get me to listen. I need to not be such an insensitive bitch to the rest of my person. I need to be aware that this could quickly become more of a downward spiral if I am not careful.
But hope, HOPE!! Hope abounds! This forced-down time has given me a great opportunity to be thankful for my greater health and to cherish the energy and drive that I have in my daily life. As much as I love resting and pushing the re-set button, I look forward to getting my head back in the game.
‘Cause after taking a day off of work, two nights off of rehearsal, and successfully completing a Sleep Marathon, you know I’m going to come out on the other side feeling good as new.
…With new and improved self-care habits, of course.
Wow, I’m already feeling better and more motivated and less-rashy just writing all of this! IT’S MAGIC!!
Anyway. Whatever. All of this is neither here or there, they are merely thoughts floating around my drugged-up brain that I wish to share with all of you, Internet world. For better or for worse.
So anyway. Back to business!
It’s been a little while since we’ve caught up, so let me bring you to speed on some of my latest activities:
My week (s):
Rehearsals for Aloha Say the Pretty Girls with Theatre Vertigo are in full swing:
Last week I had a madcap, there-and-back-in-8-hours trip to Seattle for a film auction:
And this week I had I had a madcap there-and-back-in-20-hours trip to Tacoma with my good friend Katie Farewell to celebrate Tacoma School of the Arts (SOTA) in their annual Artrageous auction in association with Tacoma Science and Math Institute (SAMI):
It was an honor to be Katie’s date to such an awesome and important event and to reconnect with my hometown a bit, event if it was for the briefest of moments!
LONG LIVE THE ARTS!!
God… arts education in schools could not be more important. I am strongly resisting the urge to get up on my soapbox about this issue right now, but I WILL spare you from that for the time being, just as I did with the gory details of my hives/elephant man/ ifeellikeimtakingcrazypills disease. Becuase let’s be real. I just want to get this post done so I can get back to watching Twin Falls and sleeping and being drugged up.
So anyway. What else.
I finished shooting my one and only pick-up day for feature film Birds of Neptune last week. This is how it felt:
By that Day 18 of shooting, everyone was exhausted:
So yeah, okay Body, I get it. I need time out. I need to calm the fuck down.
I can take that advice this time. I really can.
One step at a time, one day at a time. Breathe.
Now– sidebar– if there’s one thing that I am truly looking forward to– the light at the end of the stress and over-work tunnel , if you will– it’s this shit:
That’s right. 3 weeks and counting until my Dani girl and I are reunited in Los Angeles. And there will be epic, non-stressful, non-rashful times. Just what the doctor ordered.
You hear that, Body?!
Alright, I’m spent. I need to get back to finding out who killed Laura Palmer.
all my love to you, my friends,
When we wrapped the final day of principal photography for Birds of Neptune (Day 17 for the project, Day 15 for Yours Truly), I cried all the way home. Well, I guess I should say I cried all the way to rehearsal, but whatever. Technicalities. (You know I can’t take a break to save my life.)
For those of you following along at home, you know I’ve been going through some GCOES times, brain frenzy and heart hurt as of late. I’m not going to lie, bringing myself to even write a post this week has been difficult. I’d rather just roll into a ball on the floor and cry, but no, fuck that, it’s BLOG TIME. I don’t mean to sound melodramatic but I don’t know what else to write about.
I feel weak.
Emotionally and physically, I feel very weak.
Every day I second-guess my plans to move to LA. Every day I feel scared of leaving the people I love behind. Every day I feel scared of being left by those I love. I often carry around an overwhelming sadness of knowing that I will ultimately go through this journey alone. I mean, any true expert in their field walks a lonely road to quest for truth…right?
I don’t know.
But it’s okay to feel weak. I need to remember that.
As Dani so beautifully stated in her last post, ” (It is about mastering the art of) being in the moment without being attached to the moment. Just because you allow yourself to truly go through an experience doesn’t mean you have to get attached to that experience and spiral down into an abyss of panic, fear, depression, or murderous rage. Just breathe. A new moment is waiting to rush into you. Literally.”
Wow. And that shit is hard to remember! When I feel hurt and scared and alone it is so easy to take the people I love down with me. And that is selfish love.
But you know what? Fuck that. I am not alone. I am not stuck in a bubble. I have found family in dear friends whom I know will never leave me, no matter what my geography. And I have found family in the random people who come together by chance to create something bigger than themselves in a world of art and creation.
Take Birds of Neptune, for example. This team is my FAM. These people, some of them acquaintances, most of them strangers, have seen me at my most vulnerable and have loved and supported me through all of my experiences. They celebrated my 26th birthday with me, witnessed me puking in the bushes from nerves, held me as I cried-off a scene that really shook me, and have taken shots with me after a long 16-hour day of work. They are no longer acquaintances or strangers or “just people are work with”. They are my fucking Fam.
My BON family was my family this week. And thank god for them.
Without all this work keeping me busy, I don’t know how I would find my center. It’s always there, pushing me forward, reminding me of who I am, gently reassuring me that everything I experience in life is meaningful and relevant. I am so lucky.
Let’s talk about this movie.
Despite its intensity and absorption of my life for weeks, Birds of Neptune has been so good to me. As I mentioned earlier, this week marked the wrap of principal photography for the film. This is not a picture-wrap on me quite yet, though– I will most likely have another shooting day for pick-ups and there is an additional scene we still need to shoot. But in reality, BON production is wrapped. That is seven months of my time: prep, rehearsal, and production WRAPPED, folks. I can’t believe I am finally on the other side. WOA.
And on that note:
Here are some highlights from my adventures on the BON set this week:
First– having my own stunt double. Seriously, that is just rad (I would have died in this car otherwise, trust me):
Jesus watching over Craft Services at one of our locations (legit):
Discovering creative and epic ways to fit a camera the size of a boat into spaces the size of a closet:
Three words. THRIFT STORE DAY:
THRIFT SHOP DAAAAAY!!
You GUYS. Thrift Store Day was the BEST Day. Conveniently located next door to one of our shooting locations, I think it goes without saying that we spent our lunch break that day treasure hunting. Among the items purchased by the cast and crew that day were an exercise bike (fifty dolla make you holla!!), a VHS entitled “Multiplication Rap ($0.75), and a book published in 1921 entitled, “Beautiful Girlhood” ($1.50).
I want you all to know that I purchased that lovely gem of a book. There were chapters entitled “A Girl’s Ornaments”, “Opening Flowers”, “The strength of Obedience”, “Making Herself Beautiful”, “That Member, The Tongue”, “The Oils of Life”, “The Girl Who Can Be Trusted” and “Getting Ready for The Great Responsibility”. I mean… holy fuck. How could you NOT purchase that?! It was so fascinating to me because it is equal parts blood-boiling and hilarious. I would love to get this book into the hands of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Because turning back the clock for women is oh-so-funny. At least there was plenty of unintentional sexual innuendo in that book to satisfy my snarky factor so I didn’t stay pissed off about the book’s existence for too long.
But I digress.
Anyway. This week was a sprint to the finish line for BON. A glorious ending. And this week also brought new beginnings as I start rehearsals for Theatre Vertigo‘s “Aloha Say the Pretty Girls”:
And you know, even with all the amazing going on around me, I really don’t feel so good right now. I can acknowledge that, and that is okay.
But also, FUCK that.
Because this is what I have learned, and am always learning:
Being vulnerable is hard. Being a human is hard. Loving others is hard. Loving yourself is hard. No matter how much adulting or discipline I condition in my daily life, there will still be things I don’t plan for. You cannot plan on the heart, that is for sure.
But I truly believe that is what makes everything worth it. To love and to risk being hurt. To love and risk hurting others. To love and be loved in return. To find family wherever you go. To know that you are not alone.
Now enough GCOES. I have shit to do.
Love to you, my dear Family, thank you for being there.
As I sit in my in my basement closet-room writing this blog, I turn up my music in an attempt to drown out the commotion upstairs that is my four 21-year old male roommates experimenting with homemade beer-brewing. Ahhh, the wonders of young adulthood.
…Am I in that? Is that phase of life I am in? Well the votes are in, and the answer is YES, I am, apparently.
Someone wake me up from this nightmare!
Nah, being an “adult” is rad. You can eat ice cream whenever the eff you want and stuff like that.
I often feel that I am a really large child posing as an adult–a “faux-dult”, if you will– so I need to be mindful of keeping my adult-liness in check. For example, I need to take more of an interest in cooking (I can make a mean grilled cheese and can class my ramen up with prosciutto and lemon), have a better understanding of how I car works (I know that it moves when I put my foot on the pedal), and be more proactive in obtaining HEALTH INSURANCE.
Ahhh, health insurance, you tricky, tricky bastard.
The Unattainable Artist Dream that is “Health Insurance” has been on my mind a lot lately in light of recent (and painful) events that loved ones have found themselves in. Ladies and gentlemen, this is where it becomes very tricky to be an artist or creative free-lancer of any kind. WHY must it be this way?? (Okay okay, another discussion for another time, back to the more relevant-ramblings at hand.)
So how do I crack this adulting-code? When will I know when I’m “doing it” right? When I’m not living in my younger brother’s basement? When I have health insurance? When I move to a big city and support myself there? When I own a house? Have kids? Everyone’s formula is different, I know, but SHIT. Someone give me a clue, here.
Cue Britt-of-the-Past! She has some clues for us all! I found this list in a notebook of mine from last summer:
Britt’s Adulting Wisdom:
~AAA is invaluable. For a little over $100/year, this auto service will save your ass, every time. No need to weep on the side of the road while your car is up in smoke anymore. Yay!
~Take advantage of “free” office supplies at your desk job. Print those resumes and scripts and audition sides, girl! You like those highlighters? They’re YOURS! Only– be ninja about it. Do not cause suspicion amongst your co-workers, it’s only a matter of time before they realize that all of the 1-inch black binders gone.
~Know how to use the public transportation system and take advantage of it.
~It is okay to be a food scavenger, but be classy about it. This is a very fine line, so don’t be a sketchy bitch. Trust that food will find you. No mooching.
~Keep your living space, no matter how small, clean and organized. If not, you will die.
~Once you smart-phone, you can’t go back (I’m sure Dani can speak to this). Your iPhone is your new life-preserver. This sounds pathetic, but just go with it. It will save your ass when you’re lost, help you out when you don’t know how much to tip, and will happily guide your Facebook stalking while you’re wasting hours of precious life at the DMV.
~DO NOT LET YOUR REGISTRATION TABS EXPIRE.
~Wear sunscreen. You’re white.
…The list ended there, but I clearly need to keep adding to it. For example, I just implemented this groundbreaking new system in my life to keep me from using my credit card:
Feel free to use that little trick. Everyone knows that rules written on Post-It Notes are rules of the highest authority. And for double the adulting fun, steal those Post-It’s from your desk job!! Mwaaahaaaaa.
So! Let me catch you guys up on what I was up to this week! 😀
Monday and Tuesday kicked off Week Three of principal photography for Steven Richter‘s feature film, Birds of Neptune. There are only two shooting days left for me on this project, which will resume at the end of the month. And after a two and a half week marathon of 12-16 hour shooting days, I was happy to have a day off on Wednesday before returning to my desk job on Thursday.
After a month away from my day job, I came back to this:
But… there was also this, so it was okay.
My big homecoming back to work was pretty anti-climactic, and thank goodness for that! Part of me was worried that I would not have a job to come back to after so much time away. When someone else is trained to do your job in your absence, you can’t help but be awakened to the fact that you are.. replaceable. Buuuut… it’s all good! I have the BEST, most awesome, flexible day job in all of Portland! THANK YOU DAY JOB FOR EXISTING! 😀
My week was also filled with auditions. The highlight of these being:
1.) I am currently “on avail” for a guest-star role on a new TNT TV show pilot starring Geena Davis. In the auditioning process for television, being put “on avail” is as far as you can go in the game before you book the job. So, I’m pleased to know that I am at least doing my job well! I will find out in the next couple days if I book or get released from the job, so keep your fingers crossed! (This girl could sure use some money for the move to LA!!)
2.) I had a callback this week for a promo directed by Timothy Hutton. So yeah, no big deal…I got to do some scene work in the audition room with Christian Kane and received direction from Mr. T. Hutton himself. This experience was definitely a surprise and they were both super rad! I had a ton of fun.
This week has treated me pretty well. 🙂
And you know what? Auditioning is fucking fun. I need to remember that. The prep-work and logistics of auditions can be so damn stressful (especially this Tuesday when I had to rush from set in West Lin to SE Portland for the TV pilot callback and got stuck in horrible traffic…!), but auditioning is my job. And I love my job.
I’m tired as usual, but am still loving the Crazy. But I suppose this is characteristic of the life of a pseudo-adult.
…Whatever, I do what I want.
You guys. I’ve changed.
…I turned 26 this past Wednesday.
26!! What does this MEAN?!
Will I not get called in for teenage roles anymore? Can I no longer say I’m in my early-20’s?! Oh my GAWWWWW!!
…But for real. This 26-year-old monster could not be more pumped to tear shit up this year. 2013 has already been an amazing year of personal growth and adventure–and now I get to start my own Personal New-Year! Birthdays are the best.
(PLUS my girl Dani gave me the best bday present ever. You know your life is fail-proof after experiencing love like that. GAHH, Dani! Come back to PDX and get into my arms immediately!!)
I spent my bday this year doing what I love to do the most. 12 hours of it! On-set birthdays are the best, you guys. At lunch break that day, my Birds of Neptune family surprised me with a big ‘ol chocolate cake (they must have picked up on the whole chocoholic thing, as I stuff my pockets full of candy each time I visit the crafty table) and birthday merriment.
In case you were wondering, I did eat most of that cake myself. It was delicious. Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting with chocolate gooey goodness inside and chocolate sprinkles…Mmmm. And you know what, I needed all the sugar and caffeine I could get to push me through this week of intensity…
Let me recap!
We wrapped Week 2 of principal photography for Steven Richter’s feature film, Birds of Neptune this Friday. To quickly sum up this week and its effects: Five days straight of 12-16 hours of work on set + dark material = weekend hibernation land. And some crying. …But it feels good. Only six full days left…I kind of wish I could live in this routine forever.
I also had auditioning-with-blue-hair fun this week:
…It’s not easy being blue.
IT’S TRUE!! *sob*
Anyway. What was I talking about?
Oh yeah. Auditions!
With the intense shooting schedule for BON this week, I must admit it was a bit stressful to rush off set during my lunch break and change into audition-appropriate clothes, pull my hair back to mask as much of the blue as possible, shake the world and character I had been living in, and all the while expect myself to be a charming, functional human being in the audition room. BUT. All of that mess was awesome too. I felt like a total badass to stay so busy and on track with my goals. I owe the crew & production team of BON my life for being so flexible with me and my shenanigans. I love those guys.
This week also brought the excitement of starting a project with these two:
The incredible team that is model/actress Mia Allen and writer/filmmaker AJ Brooks is in pre-production for a new episodic project. Stay tuned. The soon-to-be-on-screen-duo of Britt & Mia will be super rad.
And the mailman brought me my new super-legit business cards this week! Ka-blam!
So yeah… I must say… 26 is treating me pretty damn good so far. I am lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing, supportive, talented and passionate people every day…
…And that’s all the mush you’ll get out of me. Back to the normal Britt-programming:
Cats and poop, CATS AND POOP!!
Damn, it feels good to be 26.